The cast of Star Wars: Episode VII: Ford. Hamill. Fisher. Daniels. Baker. Mayhew. These six men and this one woman. Disney, Disney, Disney. I know your movies don’t tend to brim with female characters, but that’s no excuse. Surely you can do better than two. Quick, call these ladies up while you still have time. They’ll probably want to do it. It’s fricking Star Wars.
I will hear no arguments against Jedi Master Lucy Liu, unless your argument is that she should play a Sith Lord instead.
Girl should have offers for starring roles in big-budget movies falling at her damn feet by now. Hell, maybe she does. Maybe I am completely wrong about Hollywood’s willingness to cast women of color in lead roles. It’s possible that, as rumored, Disney already approached Lupita Nyong’o about being in Star Wars. Try harder, Disney. Shower her in puppies. Offer her an island. Offer her an island made of puppies. You do what you have to.
Dame Judi Dench
Did you know that one of the most delightfully insane casting theories to come out of the great Star Wars rumor mill of 2013-14 is that Dame Judi would play Mon Mothma? Do you, now that you know that information, find it impossible to face a new War of Stars in which La Dench is not present? Disney got Glenn Close for Guardians of the Galaxy. Nothing is impossible.
The prequel trilogy soured me on the notion of clones, but there is no parallel universe in which I would not wait in line for weeks to see a clone army of Michelle Rodriguezes kicking Empire/droid/literally any ass.
I require a movie where Anna Chancellor is a political powerhouse who steps on mens’ throats in space right the hell now.
Bonus to casting Rinko: The overjoyed shrieks of the Pacific Rim fandom could be captured by foley artists and used to mock up some pretty convincing alien death throes.
On second thought, no, don’t do this. Not because Headey’s busy with Game of Thrones, but because I’m pretty sure my heart would give out if it happened.
Y(e)o(h), Disney. Michelle Yeoh lightsaber battle. Give me it. That is all.
Cutest. Sith Lord. Ever. Sleepy Hollow, let us borrow her. I swear we’ll give her back.
I want Adams playing basically the same character she played in Enchanted—Disney princess, psychic power over rodents, exceedingly chipper, etc.—except also a bounty hunter who has a torrid affair with Oscar Isaac’s ruggedly handsome Jedi Master, whom she seduces as part of a hit put out by whatever alien mocap master Andy Serkis plays. Only then Adams realizes she’s actually in love with Isaac, and they have really attractive babies. Screw you, J.J. Abrams, I’ll write the fanfic myself.
(Lupita pic courtesy of Matt Petit / ©A.M.P.A.S.)
Rebecca’s (@RebeccaPahle) trying not to let herself get too excited about the Star Wars sequels, but it’s proving real damn difficult if John Boyega’s going to be there.