I swear I am not writing this piece entirely as an excuse to use the top picture. No, really.
Never let these ten actors have hair. It ain’t right.
Look at how wrong this is:
Why would you?
Strong can look good with hair:
But he can also look like this with hair:
So really, why risk it? The man always looks good bald. Let’s just stick with that.
There’s a reason I put this
on my list of the 21 worst movie haircuts of the 21st century. It’s fucking with the fabric of the universe.
I need a minute.
None of this is fair.
Except when he’s playing J. Jonah Jameson.
Everything about J.K. Simmons as J. Jonah Jameson is acceptable.
Stoll gets a similar exemption. Hair is OK when he’s playing Hemingway
and no other time.
I’ll give everyone a moment to collect themselves…
(Hey, remember that time when Midnight in Paris was nominated for a SAG Award for Best Ensemble Cast, and Corey Stoll wasn’t included in the ensemble despite being a major supporting actor universally regarded as one of the best parts of the film? Fucking Carla Bruni got in there! Do the SAG Awards cut you out if you’re not a SAG member? Like, if Owen Wilson weren’t SAG, would they just have ignored the fact that he starred in the film? What happened there?! It keeps me up at night).
This is Vin Diesel with hair.
This is Vin Diesel without hair.
This is Vin Diesel with a puppy!
You know what to do, America.
Do I need to remind you again? I think I do:
I am using an image from the fourth Transformers movie. What have you done to me, Stanley?!
Sit there transfixed as he gazes into your soul.
Sir Patrick Stewart
Obviously. I don’t even need to say anything here. I’ll just unload some gifs on you:
Rebecca is a Rebecca and is also a Rebecca on Twitter Rebecca.