One single positive review can save a movie from the embarrassing brand that is a 0% on Rotten Tomatoes. And yet, so many movies can’t even manage that. Some are profoundly dumb propaganda-docs. Others are soulless sequels and heartless rom-coms. Most are so bad it’s just bad horror. But for every single one of these 0% ratings, there’s a band of courageous critics who had to brave seeing them. Today, we celebrate our own Overlords, who dared to watch the absolute worst so we didn’t have to.
The latest film to earn this dubious distinction is this William H. Macy-directed mess, which Kristy likened to hurling: “You know that sensation after you’ve vomited? I don’t mean a bit of upchuck. I mean like, when your body surrenders itself to turning inside out, and you see bits of kale in the bile and think, ‘when the hell did I eat kale!?’ You feel absolutely awful during. But when it’s done, and you’ve got it all out, you feel sickly, weak, and still pretty awful. That’s how I feel right now about The Layover. Death would be a sweet release after witnessing this.”
Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star
Because he is a good boss and a good person, Dustin assured the Overlords no one would be forced to watch Nick Swarsdon’s dangerously stupid comedy. He took that bullet himself, reporting back the 20 grotesque excuses for funny that he’ll never be able to unsee.
The Disappointments Room
Jodi asked 13 questions about this truly horrible horror film, chief among them: “WHAT IN THE HELL DID I JUST WATCH?”
A Thousand Words
Dustin decided life was too short to bother watching Eddie Murphy’s 2012 grasp at relevance, so
wrote, “I’m sure that A Thousand Words is every bit as insipid as it sounds, and anyone whose brain isn’t a congealed mass of unformed jelly will avoid it. You don’t need a proper review to know that.”
One Missed Call
But Dustin did surrender himself to the true terribleness of this 2008 horror flick, lamenting, “Man a-fucking-live. I am in awe of Hollywood today. I am marveling at the sheer levels of motherfuckery that it took to greenlight One Missed Call.”
Atlas Shrugged: Part One
Brian Prisco declared of this infamous adaptation, “This is a terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad fucking movie. Even taking the fucking ridiculous Objectivism out of the plot, it’s just a bad story. It’s structured like a 1970’s training video for joining AVON.”
Prisco also endured the Sarah Palin documentary so you wouldn’t have to. He was understandably bitter, declaring, “Fuck you motherfuckers, I actually had to watch that fucking flaming dog fart of a film.”
American Pie: The Naked Mile
Dustin live-blogged this shat spinoff, so we might all enjoy moments like this, “For reasons that don’t make sense to people like myself with little or no higher-brain function, generic friend says into the telephone, ‘Chicken salad and college pussy. My favorite combination.’ You gotta love the turn of phrase there.”
Remember that time Matthew McConaughey “achieved his shirtless opus?” Agent Bedhead remembers.
The Lost Boys: The Tribe and The Lost Boys: The Thirst
Out of a regrettable devotion to Joel Schumacher, Agent Bedhead reviewed the first of these Corey Feldman-fronted sequels, calling it, “one massive fuck up with no excuses.” Then, she rallied to live-blog the latter, so you might witness what a descent into movie-induced madness looks like.
This Vince Vaughn drama caught our eye with a confounding poster, but its eventual release was so buried that every Overlord was spared actually seeing it.
We tried to warn you about this toy ad masquerading as a family-friendly superhero movie.
Cabin Fever (2016)
Genevieve marveled that Eli Roth’s deeply gory horror flick got rebooted, then we properly and promptly forgot about it before it opened.
Kirk Cameron’s Saving Christmas
In 2014, TK must have been filled with the holiday spirit (whiskey, lots and lots of whiskey), because he deigned to spare the lot of us from this child star turned born-again bigot’s Christmas cash-grab. But hey, we did cover what other people thought of it.