Hello science fiction fans. You have emerged into the battlefield of the week after the joy of your weekends, blinking at the sun as it burns your science fiction starved eyes. But the Emmys are done, and the traditional time of the new television season is upon us. So what glorious sci-fi delights does this week of premiers hold for you after you stagger home from the space coal mines?
Well, basically shit. But I started writing this, so let’s finish it else I start ranting about that jackass Richard Dawkins.
Monday: Blindspot (NBC) 10pm. “…a tattoo-covered woman is discovered naked in Times Square with no knowledge of who she is or how she got there. Things get more interesting when officials discover the name of an FBI agent tattooed on her back…” I’m being very generous and assigning this to the science fiction category. Mostly because nekkid amnesiac Jaimie Alexander gets all the benefits of all the doubts. I assume by the end of the episode we’ll realize there’s no science fiction connection and then stop watching, if we even started at all.
It always bugs me when bodies (alive or not) are carried in duffle bags in movies and television. That’s just a lot of dead weight. Better to put them in one of those nice big roller bags. Pajiba: the lifehacks you really need.
Monday: Minority Report (Fox) 9pm. So you’ve seen Minority Report, the movie, right? This actually picks up a decade after the movie (which is close to real-time since the film was released in 2002), and features one of the precogs plus the obligatory detective he ends up partnering with in order to solve crimes before they happen. Dustin tells me that it’s half sci-fi and half procedural. Hey, remember Almost Human? At some point wouldn’t it be cheaper if Fox just kept the same science fiction show on every season instead of bothering to come up with new 13 episode doomed runs?
Tuesday: The Bazillion Dollar Club (SyFy) 10pm. I refuse to even look this up. That name plus the depths SyFy’s reputation has fallen to don’t even earn a Google search.
Tuesday: Limitless (CBS) 10pm. A second series premiering based on a film, this time the atrocious movie about using more than ten percent of your brain and getting super smart. Goddamn you Bradley Cooper. Apparently the pill also turns you into the Flash:
Wednesday: Nothing, but that’s fine, because you’ll be watching Perfect Sense in order to talk about it on Sci-Fi Thursday.
Thursday: Heroes Reborn (NBC) 8pm. No one wants this show to exist. Not even Tim Kring’s mother is going to watch this show.
Friday: Nothing. Huh. Netflix night I guess.
Saturday: Nothing. Well that’s just cruel.
Sunday: Nothing. Well, there’s football, which given the unnatural size and power of the players, is practically science fiction anyway.