Cold Open — In the cold open, SNL took up Mayweather vs. Pacquiao for some reason, and it is as bad as you might expect. They “pirated” the fight, knowing that no one would be watching SNL (is that true? Is there a lot of crossover between those that watch SNL and those who play $150 to watch boxing?) It felt like a cold open they wrote 20 minutes before airtime that wasn’t even vetted through rehearsal. This is not a good omen. (Score: 1/10)
Scarlett Johansson Cold Open — The Cold Open goes absolutely nowhere, as ScarJo goes on about singing Donna Summer’s sexy “Love to Love You Baby” to her newborn daughter. It’s been three weeks, and this is the best they could come up with? (Score: 2/10)
Right Side of the Bed — I am fairly certain this is a recurring sketch about a husband/wife duo hosting a morning show, and the conceit is that it’s hard to tell whether Killam’s character is gay or a Southern dude. Killam is game as hell, but it is a heinously unfunny sketch. (Score: 2/10)
Orioles vs. White Sox — The idea behind this sketch was the same one used in the season’s best cut-for-time sketch of the year. How awkward was it for the announcers to call the gam between the Orioles vs. White Sox earlier this week when there were no spectators without mentioning the riots? It couldn’t have been nearly as awkward as this sketch. Whatever was great about the Ferguson verseion is totally missing here. This is just embarrassing now. (Score: 2/10)
Black Widow Movie — How would Disney/Marvel make a female superhero movie? Apparently, like a bad rom com from the writer of 27 Dresses. HA! Sort of. I guess. I mean, it’s a funny conceit, it’s just done very poorly. (Score: 4/10)
Girlfriends — No. Goddamnit, no. (Score: 1/10)
Weekend Update — Michael Che and Colin Jost remaining as unengaging as ever, while Kate McKinnon does her damndest to elevate a badly written Ruth Bader Ginsberg segment. Sam and Gilly (Bobby Moynihan and Vanessa Bayer) talk about being the hottest couple on Game of Thrones, and it’s only saving grace is that this Gilly is slightly less horrible than Kristen Wiig’s Gilly.
Dino Bones — Two museum visitors (Cecily Strong, Scarlett Johansson) drive the other members of their guided tour crazy with their questions and commentary. And I’m done. (Score: 1/10)
(This is where I fell asleep from boredom, and when I awoke this morning, I had no desire whatsoever to finish what was already a terrible episode after a string of already terrible episodes. I don’t see how the show could’ve gotten better, but if you’re curious, here are the last three sketches, unwatched and unscored)
Blazer — Detective Blazer (Taran Killam) always gets his man in a video he edited together using footage from his partner’s body cam.
Jingle Writers — Fayanne (Aidy Bryant) and Vanetta (Scarlett Johansson) are desperate to land the Pampers account but they might not be the best fit for it.