Men — even when we think we understand the shit women have to go through, on the occasion that we actually listen to them we often realise that we know sweet fuck-all.
There was a thread up on Reddit the other day inviting women to tell their worst ‘nice guy’ experiences. You can check it out here, or just read some selected cuts below. Either way you’re gonna need a strong fucking drink in your hand during. Buckle up.
I used to work in IT Support, as the only girl in a team of 4. The men I worked with were lovely and super supportive, and we were a real close team.
Anyway we had this contractor come work for the company in a different department. As usual I set up his machine, gave him is username/password etc and left him to it.
Over the next 3-4 weeks he would continually ‘break’ his machine, and demand I came and fix it, all the while tell in me what a ‘nice guy’ he was, what a cool car he had etc, all the usual flirting stuff and I was polite but ignored it - it happens a lot working IT Support.
By the fourth time he was giving me the creeps, so the guys in my department started going instead of me and then his machine seemed fine and I forgot all about it.
One Friday night a few weeks later my team and I went out for a meal and a drink after work. We left at 5pm, had a meal, played some pool, they all had a drink as I was the designated driver. By 10.30pm we decide to call it a night and all walk back to my car, so I could drive them home.
Our company rented car parking space in a railway carpark which is generally deserted, very dark, badly lit and my car is there. Walk into the car park and who do you think is SITTING on my car…yup the creepy assed contractor!! Thank fuck I wasn’t alone. He must have been there for hours as the office shut at 6pm.
He looked shocked to see the others with me, muttered about how his car didn’t start and how he thought I could give him a lift home, as we lived in the same direction - no idea how he knew that!!.
I told him to get a cab, and we all got in the car, leaving him there. I was shaking and the guys were furious because it was obvious he’d been trying to catch me on my own.
I reported it to HR the following week, nothing was done because it hasn’t been ‘in the office’ so my team took it upon themselves to have a ‘chat’ with him - no idea what they said, they wouldn’t tell me, but he never even looked in my direction for the rest of his contract. I can’t thank them enough for backing me up in such a horrible situation, I really got lucky having them with me.
Oh boy. I was out at a bar, and a guy started talking to me. After about 5 minutes I told him I actually had a long term boyfriend, so if he would rather mingle that was totally fine with me and I completely understood! He looked so hurt and was like “Omg no, you seem great and I’d love to keep talking, of course that’s no problem at all!” He was really outgoing and we had a fun rapport, so I stuck around.
About an hour in, I’m now pretty buzzed and the nice-guy-manipulation begins. He keeps touching me and whenever I tell him to stop he’s like “You’re so on edge, I’m just being friendly, omg haha!” Just constantly invalidating my boundaries and making me feel impolite.
Then he starts in with the badgering. “If you weren’t interested, why did you accept a drink? If you’re so happy with your boyfriend then why are you out here? Don’t you know he’s probably cheating on you since he’s alone? You’re too young for a serious relationship anyway…” I finally had it when he said “Look at your sister over there, she’s so sexual and men love her. You should be like that, people would like you better.”
I told him he didn’t know what he was talking about and I was visibly angered.
Then the weirdest thing happened. In that moment I turned invisible. Like his eyes glazed over and I ceased to exist and he just wandered away to a new group of girls. As soon as he finally gave up trying to get in my pants, I wasn’t even a person anymore. Our hour plus of laughing together and sharing about our lives I took as a genuine human connection meant literally nothing. I was just someone maybe he could bully into fucking.
Anyway, there’s a “nice guy” for ya. It sucks being reduced to an object after you think someone actually found you interesting and funny or whatever. But, such is life sometimes.
When visiting my hometown, an old guy friend from high school contacted me saying him and a group of old high school buddies were going to a “coffee house” at our old school then to a bar after and they wanted me to come. When I got there, it was just him. He told me the one person cancelled and the two others were running late and would meet us at a bar after the show. I always felt comfortable with this guy, so I didn’t mind sitting in the back of the coffee house and catching up.
After the coffee house, he offered to follow me home so I could drop off my car. He didn’t drink, but I did at the time. He said he would be my DD. I thought that would be alright. My mom knew my plans.
We get to the bar and the couple of friends are there waiting on us with drinks for me. I have about 4 mixed drinks. Our two friends take off, but my ride was finishing up a game of pool, so I waited. He ordered me another drink even though I said I had enough and got frustrated and offended that I wouldn’t drink it since he paid for it. I caved in and drank it.
After driving me home, he tried to bang me in my driveway. Hands all over the place, kissing me while I pushed him away. I had to slap him across the face to get him to stop.
After slapping him, he bitched about how lucky I should feel because he was a really nice guy and treated me like a princess all night. He also screamed at me from the car window that I was a slut.
He was not a nice guy.
Joined student government and made a new friend the first day. He asked for my number so we could easily contact each other considering we were working in the same department. Figured it made sense so I gave him my number.
An hour later I get a text message asking if I wanted to hangout sometime. Still didn’t think much of it and figured I would reply later after class.
Around half an hour later he sends me another text asking if I was interested and why I hadn’t replied yet.
Then he calls me. I don’t pick up because I’m creeped out at this point. He leaves me a voicemail and starts flipping out on me saying I should just be upfront with him instead of leading him on.
Immediately calls back again and leaves a voicemail asking if I’m still interested if so I should let him know ASAP.
Leaves another voicemail and gets angry at me saying that I’m not worth it and tells me I lost my chance.
Then he calls again, I decline the call and block his number.
Never saw him in student government after that day though.
many moons ago I met a guy on OKCupid and went on exactly one date. We had an okay time until the end of the date when he would not let go of me. As in, hugged me and wouldn’t stop. At first I kind of laughed, but it quickly accelerated to “okay, fucking let me go now.” He let go about 2 seconds before I went screaming bloody murder ballistic, and suffice it to say I was done with this guy forever. He sent me three emails that night, three the next day, and kept this up for about a month. Then about three months later he emailed me again, to see, “if you’ve decided you’re into nice guys after all.”
I had one guy who had a crush on me completely stop talking to me when I started dating someone else, but on my birthday I got a huge box in the mail from him. It had a ton of weird stuff in it, bed sheets, a stuffed giraffe, an old journal from a young grade that they had to write in for points with new entries made about me (all written in his “kid” style), a framed collage of pictures of me and screenshots of our text conversations, a letter explaining the giraffe begged to be sent to me, as well as congratulating me on my 4 month anniversary.
I called him immediately to tell him that it was inappropriate and he called my boyfriend and got into a fight with him or something and then posted on facebook about how he “went out of his way to get a nice gift for a girl who didn’t appreciate it.”
A guy in high school who I had been friends with got very possessive of me when I started dating my now-husband. So much so that he would literally walk between the two of us any time he saw us together. One day, I get to my Economics class and there’s a CD case taped to my desk with my name on it. Well, I’m running late so I shrug, throw it in my backpack, and completely forget about it until after school that day.
I get into my boyfriend’s car and he starts digging through his CD case to find music and it jars my memory. I tell him about the CD on my desk and take it out of my backpack. I open the case and about 30 dried, flattened flowers fall out. There’s a note on the inside of the case detailing how much other guy loves me and we’re meant to be together, and to prove it he made me a “mixtape” (mix…CD?) of his love for me.
We put the CD in the player and wait. 23 songs. Each one about ass. “I don’t like gold…I don’t like swimmin’…I just like chasin….them big butt women”
“My anaconda don’t want none unless you got buns hun.”
“I found you, miss new booty.”
Now, the further into this CD I get, the more hysterical my boyfriend becomes. He went from blind rage upon hearing the note to complete hyena laughter in a matter of minutes. I’m sitting (on my apparently very much enjoyed ass) in stunned silence. The next day I explained to Other Guy that the devil had a better chance of building a snowman than he had of us dating, and maybe the next object of his affection shouldn’t receive an “Ode to Ass.” CD. He got downright shitty, but eventually lost interest and moved on.
My husband kept the CD, and when he sees me in a bad mood he plays it and starts laughing all over again…11 years later.
I had a random guy add me on Facebook. One mutual friend, but nothing else in common. No idea who he was, so, logically, I ignored the request.
The next day I start getting messages. “I know someone as beautiful as you would never talk to me, but I have to try.”
“Girls like you are the worst. I’m just being nice.”
“You could at least say hi, bitch, I’m the best you could get.”
I blocked him. Was thoroughly creeped out for awhile after that. Who does that?
It was highschool. I considered the guy my best friend, and when he revealed that he had feelings for me I rejected him and asked if he was comfortable staying just friends. He INSISTED that it was cool that I didn’t feel the same way and he wanted to keep hanging out platonically.
He was mostly pretty okay about it. Until I started seeing a girl. “Wow, even girls are getting a shot with you before I do, huh?” he “”“joked”“”. I told him that my new relationship was a secret because she and I were both still in the closet. He was the only one I told, since, you know… he claimed to be my best friend.
By the next week, everyone in our entire home town knew. Faced tons of backlash. Got homophobic slurs muttered about me in the hallways at school. Good times.
tl;dr rejected a guy and he fucking outed me
I’ve had a number of guys who I went on a date with who insisted on paying for my meal or drinks or whatever who then turn around and get really angry if I don’t want to hook up with them because I “owe” them. When I point out that I’m not a prostitute, they always tell me how I should be more appreciative of how nice and kind they were to me. I always stop dating for awhile after this happens.
Response to coughdrop01 by gramophonez:
“I’m not a prostitute”
“I don’t understand?”
I was getting tutored at school one time and the guy who was tutoring me was asking what my plans were for the weekend. I assumed it was small talk so I just said the usual, studying, working, hanging out with my boyfriend.
He got so pissed. He started to rant on and on about how girls like me were all the same. Always “using” guys and then never giving anything in return. That he helped me so the least I could do was go out on a date with him. That he’s so nice and no girls ever want to date him, probably because we all like jerks (his words). He said I was a fake/tease too for allowing him to tutor me. He got kind of aggressive too and started to slam things around/shove chairs into the tables and stuff. I noped out of there so fast.
Response to Dial-1-800-Angel by BlueGemz, which, I think, basically sums a lot of this shit up:
OH YOU’RE TAKEN?? FAKE GIRLS LIKE YOU ONLY LIKE ASSHOLES. NICE GUYS LIKE ME ARE ALWAYS TURNED DOWN. YOU FAKE WHORE. *SMASHES CHAIR*
I AM SOOOO NIIICEEEEE