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The Best of Reddit's 'Showerthoughts'

By Petr Knava | reddit | September 20, 2016 |

By Petr Knava | reddit | September 20, 2016 |

Reddit can be a putrid wasteland of vile misogyny and reactionary hatred. It can also be one of the most creative places on the web. It all depends on which subreddit you take a wander down.

The ‘Showerthoughts’ sub is an example of the latter. Basically exactly what it sounds like — short, idle thoughts of the sort you’d have while showering — it can range from relatively down-to-Earth-if-fresh observations on life to Steven Wright-esque gonzo reinterpretations of meaning and reality.

Here are some of the best:

‘Waterboarding at Guantanamo Bay sounds super rad if you don’t know what either of those things are.’
- jgam7

‘When you drink alcohol you are just borrowing happiness from tomorrow’
- benji9t3

‘Last night my friend asked to use a USB port to charge his cigarette, but I was using it to charge my book. The future is stupid.’
- The_JayMo

‘April Fool’s Day is the one day of the year when people critically evaluate news articles before accepting them as true.’
- kellenbrent

‘There should be confetti in tires so when there is a blow out it’s still kind of an okay day’
- Eye_Decay

‘When Sweden is playing Denmark, it is SWE-DEN. The remaining letters, not used, is DEN-MARK.’
- vestergaard92

‘Of all the bodily functions that could be contagious, thank god it’s the yawn.’

‘Your dog doesn’t know you can make mistakes. When you trip over him in the dark, he thinks you got up just to kick him in the head.
- Throw13579

‘Now that cellphones are becoming more and more waterproof, pretty soon it will be okay to push people into pools again.’
- CornerDealie

‘Becoming an adult feels like slowly being put into a managerial position you didn’t really want’
- JohannesP

‘instead of all the prequel and sequel movies coming out, they should start making equels - films shot in the same time period as the original film, but from an entirely different perspective’
- equalfilms

‘Bushing your teeth is the only time you clean your skeleton’
- Brinner

‘The sinking of the Titanic must have been a miracle to the lobsters in the kitchen.’
- ElBretto

‘If colleges really want to prepare high school students for today’s job market then they should only accept students who have “at least 2-3 years college experience”.’
- Arpeggi42

‘I’ve woken up over 10,000 times and I’m still not used to it’
- dankerinooo

‘Having a toddler is like being on a permanent escort mission: A low AI character tries to follow you around, and if you’re not careful enough, they’ll find a way to kill themselves.’
- chrono1465

‘As a child, the concept of having a favourite color seemed more important than it turned out to be.’
- DogeSaint-Germain

‘Cowboys that ride off into the sunset quickly run out of daylight and have to camp just outside of town. Probably should’ve just stayed put for the night instead of being all dramatic.’
- throwpillo

‘It’s a good thing Dr. Seuss books come with pictures, because otherwise I’d have no fuckin clue what he was talking about.’

‘2 days off: Typical weekend. 3 days off: Well rested. 4+ days off: Forget every single element of what it takes to be a functional member of society.’
- TexMcBadass

‘Your future self is watching you right now through memories.’
- Zwall_

‘The real unsung hero in School Of Rock is the promoter who got about 2,000 people to a local Battle Of The Bands on a weekday morning.’
- AndyVale

‘While growing up, the Bermuda Triangle seemed like a real threat for a while there.’
- kiwifruitfury

‘I’m so afraid of commitment that when choosing a default app to open a file, I always pick ‘just once’ over ‘always’.’
- n0x

‘For most of human history, vehicles had automatic collision avoidance and could even take you home when you were sleeping or drunk. Then we got rid of the horse.’
- arbaminim

‘I’m bored when I listen to a song from my personal music library, but when it’s played on the radio I get excited like it’s the greatest song ever.’
- Stabler86

‘Art is how we decorate space; music is how we decorate time.’
- aclayhutchings

“I sold an hour of my life for $13” doesn’t sound nearly as good as “I make $13/hour.”
- oaktownraider13

‘I spent seven hours vividly hallucinating then I woke up and ate the meat of other animals for energy, now i’m going to do something I don’t want to for eight hours for pieces of paper.’
- Dirtyuniform


Petr Knava
lives in London and plays music

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Petr is a staff contributor. You can follow him on Twitter.