I have this thing where no matter how hard I try I just cannot rip toilet paper or kitchen roll or anything else like that properly. These items, so user friendly and perfectly designed, completely stump me. I, a 32-year-old, mostly fully functioning member of society, lie defeated at the feet of kitchen roll like Dennis Reynolds at the end of a gameshow. No matter how hard I try, I just can’t tear kitchen roll or toiler paper properly. I will always tear a third or a half or some messy ungodly fraction of a sheet more than I intend to. These items, with their perfectly intuitive perforation, hack into my brain, and they turn my motor functions to mush.
I will aim for a sheet, and I will tear a sheet and a bit.
I might aim for two sheets, and I’ll be left with two and a bit.
Maybe it’s a mad spillage situation, and I want three sheets. I’ll focus like an Olympic archer, sweat beading on my brow, all the universe’s energies channelled and trained into my right hand in preparation for the tearing manoeuvre.
This is it, Knava.
Here we go.
All your ancestors’ eyes are on you in this moment.
I’ll come away with threeandafu**ingbit.
No matter how many sheets I want, it’ll always be that amount plus a bit, the shattered and limp corpse of the remaining sheet remaining there, still attached to the mother organism, mocking me with its lifeless shape, eternally recurring evidence of a common skill I just do not posses.
Reddit pondered this very matter the other day, when it asked the question: ‘What’s a common skill that you simply do not possess?’ You can check out the full thread here, but below are some highlights.
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