The older I get the more convinced I am that everyone is just bluffing their way through life.
The state of the United States Presidency being a particularly egregious example.
But also this Reddit thread, in which Redditors were asked: ‘What Started Off As A Small Lie But Then Snowballed Into ‘This Is My Life Now?”
Below you can find some highlights. And, boy, are there are some doozies. Settle in.
I moved to a new city, and got a new dentist. For some reason, the guy thinks I used to see him at his old practice in a town I’ve never lived in. I corrected him a couple times, but he just keeps bringing it up, so now I just kind of roll with it. He asks after my parents, which is easy enough…but we’ve had all kinds of conversations about local restaurants I’ve never been to and other random stuff like that.
Told a small lie to a girl I was texting that I love running, dunno how it sold because I was fat. Started running the second after I sent that. 5 years later I went from 298 to 180.
When I was little, my grandma would make me these horrible frozen chicken tenders filled with cheese. They were just god-awful. Because I am a good grandson, I told her that I loved them. From then on, every time that I visited her, she would cook me those abominations. Even when I was in graduate school, I would go visit her and for one meal, I would have to slide those gross things down my gullet.
Every time I would say, “Thanks! I love them!” The things we do for love…
An electrician came and priced up a job at our rental property.
He greeted me with “Hi Ian! I’ve come to price some work up” I replied “yep, that’s me”.
My name is not Ian, it’s not even close to Ian. I was too British to correct him with his error, so I just went along with it, its not the worst lie I’ve ever come out with.
In my head I’m thinking, at worst the guy is just going to call me Ian again when he leaves.
He was in my flat for a good 20 minutes, calling me Ian during conversations we had. Not once did I correct him, just stayed in character as Ian.
Weeks went by and he eventually came back to do the work at the flat. My mrs and me had the day off, I had forgotten about the whole Ian thing until that day, so I explained to her that if she talked to me that day to call me Ian. It’s just easier.
I moved to a new city when I was in 6th grade and on the same day I started two other boys started and they both knew how to skateboard, so I lied and said I did to. Then for months I lied about being able to skateboard to them and other kids at the school, and I never came clean because I didn’t want anyone to call me a poser. So I bought skater boy clothes, and a skateboard and learned how to skateboard because I lied about knowing how to skateboard. Still skating since then. I’m 27 now.
My freshman year of college I was walking around campus when a very friendly looking girl waved at me. I’m awkward, so of course I waved back. The next week, the same thing.
This began the weirdest saga of my life.
For the next two years, we greeted each other as old friends every time we came across the other. She knew my name (somehow?), I never could figure hers out and it was WAY too late to ask. I just pretended I knew who she was and why she knew me.
Finally, I joined the honors program and entered my classes for my thesis. Who should be in this class but mystery girl! I was horrified. I wouldn’t be able to pass it off anymore.
First day of class we are all sitting there chatting and she greets me by name, again. I had finally learned her name from attendance, thank God. Someone asks, finally, “oh, so do you two know each other? Where’d you meet?”
I stare at her. She stares at me. Finally she breaks down wailing. “I don’t know! I don’t know, okay, we’ve just been waving at each other for two years and it was too late to ask!”
Shes standing in my wedding next spring as one of my bridesmaids and very best friends.
Edit: I’m a chick, she’s not 100% sure how she learned my name, hi Ty, love you dude!
Here is my theory - you guys were best friends, but someone went back in time and accidentally caused you guys to never meet. Fortunately, enough of the universe was able to ‘bleed over’ so she remembered you and your name, but not why. You guys are so perfect as friends that this little bit was enough to fix the timeline, preventing an apocalypse.
Or something like that I’m sure.
I was really desperate for an A on my final project for Chinese so I asked my mom(who’s a native speaker) for help. Well it worked, the teacher was impressed and I got the grade I wanted… but next year I had the same teacher and she had really high expectations. I end up studying for hours every day while asking my mom to help with my homework for months. Eventually my Chinese got to a point where my mom would look at it and almost always confirm that it was correct(and not grammatically awkward).
So yeah. Learned a language to cover up cheating on a single project the year prior.
somebody thought I was jewish and I didn’t want to correct them because I hate confrontation. So now everyone in the school thinks im Jewish and my homeroom got me a Passover card signed by everyone my brain told me it was time to stop but I didn’t want to ruin the thought of the gesture.
This is one that doesn’t bother me. I had a coworker with memory issues or dementia and he called me Kevin once in awhile, not my name obviously. It made me laugh and one of my coworkers started calling me Kevin and telling new employees that’s my name. This was 3 years ago and it is still going.
at the same time I told my son who thought it was hilarious, and somehow it morphed into me calling him Kevin, and my cat too. So I would yell downstairs, “Kevin, is Kevin down there?”. My son told his best friend, and they started calling each other Kevin. Now when I see my son’s friend I call him Kevin. for this story to come full circle, my son and said friend came to my office and I introduced them as my son Kevin and his friend Kevin.
also my sister now calls my son Kevin.
edit: Since this has a little traction I will add more. The coworker who calls me Kevin calls my son Kev-dog and we call my son Kevie when he starts acting like a tool, to make it sound like we are talking to a 9 year old (he’s 16).
edit2: oh shit, when I come in in the morning I flip the same coworker off and call him Kevin. There is a guy I hate who tried to get in on the Kevin craze and I shunned him.
edit3: haha, I keep remembering more. when we go out to a restaurant or starbucks or whatever, I use Kevin as the name, and it makes us all laugh.
edit4: OMG I have more. I forgot about this post for a while, and I went to my kindle to see if something downloaded. yes, the kindle is named Kevin on Amazon.
jesus, its coming all back to me, I think I have a problem, My wifi, of course
I was homeless, sleeping under a bridge in charlotte near the music factory. I needed a job so I dressed as best I could, which wasn’t very well, walked into a bar on 7th and lied about my work experience. They gave me the job , I started working that day. They paid me cash after every shift. I worked there for three years, became the manager, and now I love cooking. Never cooked a day in my life up till that point.
A lady, in her 50s,who was acting as the kitchen manager trained me. She knew I lied, but she also knew I was in trouble. I couldn’t even cut a tomato. She saved my life. She didn’t tell anyone and kept training me even though sometimes I’d piss her off but I always tried to do better. I got an apartment a month into the job using another cook to call the apartment and let them know how much I get paid cause they wanted that for some reason. I was getting paid $11 under the table so nothing was on record which is why he had to call.
I worked as a line cook immediately. It was overwhelming. I’m not from the city and the work was fast paced. I would study on my time off by watching youtube and cooking at home.
Edited for more info
Answers to frequently asked questions
I became homeless at the age of 19, really. I kept bouncing around from couch to couch because I had a rough home life. I just wanted to get away, from Ohio, and moved to Charlotte when I was 20 trying to get a job as an audio engineer. It didnt pan out, but I didnt want to come back home so I stayed. I was homeless up until I was 22
The bar I worked at was a dive bar whose name cannot be mentioned. The ship sank a year or two ago, though I left there when I was 25.
I do not live in Charlotte at the moment
I cant make too many recommendations for where to eat as I do not think that is fair for you. I havent eaten at some of the places I normally would eat in that neighborhood and when I lived in the hood (Plaza Midwood) I only ate at home or anywhere that makes sushi lol
Thank you all for the absolutely lovely comments.
I was dating a girl and I met her parents. I was a freshman in college seeking my physics degree, when I met her dad he asked me why in the world I would go into physics when it is a difficult field to get work in. Thinking on the spot I said “yeah I’ve thought about that too and I’ve decided to switch to mechanical engineering”. Welp I’ll be getting my mech engineering degree this may
I became friends with one of the managers at Panera. One day as I was giving a cashier my order, he told her to give me the same discount as they give to firemen, police and paramedics, i think. He just chose this discount as it was an easy button to push on the register. Well this cashier really thought I was a fireman. I’m not. So for the next two years this cashier gave me the discount. Even if she wasn’t serving me, she would go out of her way to tell the cashier that was helping me, “He’s a fireman, give him the discount”. It snowballed into such an awkward situation that I didn’t know how to get out of it. Luckily that cashier eventually transferred to another store and I now happily pay full price.
My mother was a super control freak, so one of the ways I would avoid home was after school extracurriculars. I got the date wrong on a math team meeting, so I lied to my mom about it while actually attending the debate team intro meeting. I probably didn’t need to lie, but it was always safer to not disrupt her precious schedule. Eventually, debate became a regular activity for me to avoid home.
In 3 years, I was a state semifinalist and in college, I coached the high school national champions and turned that into a free ride for a masters degree.
My then-girlfriend wanted me to play this game that involved, among other things, some color matching. I did not want to play this game, so I stared at the different shades of blue in confusion and asked her wtf I was supposed to do because they were all the same color.
My now-wife was so delighted by this discovery because it explained so much (it doesn’t, I just like really awful color palletes) and I meant to come clean to her right there because I knew it would spiral out of control but instead here I am 3 years later trying to keep track of which colors I “have a hard time with” and married to a wonderful woman who wants to get me those color correcting glasses and I can never, ever tell her the truth.
Edit: I just want everyone who is replying to this to know that every time I get the notification message my heart stops and I go through your posting history to make sure you’re not my wife.
“Yea I’d say I’m pretty good with excel.”
No. No I wasn’t.
Annnnnnd now I’m an analyst at a fortune 400 company.
I was looking for a job and I didn’t want to be a fast food manager anymore so I fluffed out my resume with computer skills I didn’t have. I was contacted by a recruiter who asked me some questions to gauge my abilities and I straight googled the answers as he was asking them. When I went to the interview, the boss had all of these circuit boards sitting all over his desk. I recognized them as Raspberry pis from Reddit. So I asked what he was using them for. The rest of the interview was just this guy bragging about all of these projects he had going on. He might as well have been speaking Greek. I just feigned interest and said wow a lot. I’m hired. Who knows how this shit happened but I have literally googled every problem I have been given. Day 543, they still think I know what I’m doing.I’m making 1.5 times what I was making as a manager. I have a GED for christsakes.
And then there is one that is a bit of a Reddit classic by now:
Let me tell you that I have made a bad mistake this evening.
My girlfriend (who let me tell you is only my 2nd girlfriend of all time) said I am “invited to dinner” with her and her parents. I was very aghast, nervous, and bashful to be invited to such a situation. But I knew it must be done.
I met them nicely, I should tell you, and it started off in a good way. The idea slapped my mind that I should do a comic bit, to make a good impression and become known to them as a person who is amusing.
When I saw that baked potatoes were served I got the idea that it would be very good if I pretended I did not know what potatoes was. That would be funny.
Well let me tell you: backfired on my face. I’ll tell you how.
So first when the potato became on my plate, I acted very interesting. I showed an expression on my face so as to seem that I was confused, astounded but in a restrained way, curious, and interested. They did notice, and seemed confused, but did not remark. So I asked “This looks very interesting. What is this?”
They stared at me and the mother said “It’s a baked potato.” And I was saying “Oh, interesting, a baked….what is it again?”
And she was like “A potato.”
And I was like “A ‘potato’, oh interesting. Never heard of a potato, looks pretty good.”
And then they didn’t see I was clowning, but thought I really did not know what is a potato. So I knew I would be very shamed, humiliated, depressed, and disgusted if I admitted to making a bad joke, so what I did was to act as if it was not a joke but I committed to the act of pretending I didn’t know what a potato is.
They asked me, VERY incredulous, did I really not know what a potato is? That I never heard of a potato. I went with it and told them, yes, I did not ever even hear of a potato. Not only had I never eaten a potato I had never heard the word potato.
This went on for a bit and my girlfriend was acting very confused and embarrassed by my “fucked up antics”, and then the more insistent I was about not knowing what a potato is was when them parents starting thinking I DID know what a potato was.
Well let me tell you I had to commit 100% at this point. When I would not admit to knowing what a potato was, the father especially began to get annoyed. At one point he said something like “Enough is enough. You’re fucking with us. Admit it.” And I said “Sir, before today I never heard of a potato. I still don’t know what a potato is, other than some kind of food. I don’t know what to tell you.”
Well let me tell you he got very annoyed. I decided to take a bite of the potato, and when I did I made a high pitched noise and said “Taste’s very strange!”
That is when the father started yelling at me, and the mother kept saying “What are you doing?” and my girlfriend went to some other room.
Finally the father said I should “Get the fuck out of his house” and I said it was irrational to treat me like this just because I never heard of a potato before. Well let me tell you he didn’t take that kindly.
Now in text messages I have been telling my girlfriend I really don’t know what a potato is. The only way I can ever get out of this is for them to buy that I don’t know what a potato is.
I wish I never started it but I can’t go back. I think she will break up with me anyway.