One time, I was chewing gum while cycling at a very high speed down a busy London street. I’d been chewing for the better part of an hour, so the gum had by that point fully transitioned from the initial euphoric, flavoursome, well textured experience that gum always starts as into the Soggy Cardboard Sensation that it inevitably becomes should you be so unwise as to not ditch it in good time. Needless to say, by that point my gum needed to be ditched, as each extra chew was bringing me closer and closer to whatever the opposite of nirvana is. But, having achieved a good speed on a nice long road, I thought to myself, ‘I’ll be dammed if I’m gonna stop’. Spying a bin speeding up towards me on the side of the road, I saw the answer. Just before I drew level with the bin I did what needed to be done. With impeccable timing and mathematical precision, I propelled that gum from my mouth while flying along on two wheels, legs pumping furiously and sweat beading on my forehead, angling the bolus just so so that it would not only achieve the required X-vector, but also Y-vector, as—ladies and gentlemen—this was a closed-top bin with just a minimal horizontal oriented slot for an opening. Bam. In sailed the gum, a few centimetres of open space on each side of it separating it from the slot edges. It was as clean a shot as was possible. I grinned, and carried on into the distance. Now, I lead a very fulfilling life so as you can imagine, that was the highlight of my day.
Anyway all that is to say that that the feat was much more impressive than it sounds. So here’s a Reddit thread about the opposite, asking: ‘What Sounds Impressive, But Really Isn’t?’ You can check out the full thread here but below are some highlights:
Header Image Source: Getty Images