I don’t know how to drive. I never learned. Never much wanted to. I have no idea what infernal dance you lot are doing with your hands and your feet to make that boom-powered wheelbox move, but it is beyond my abilities or comprehension.
In my defence, I have lived basically my entire life in London. A city which routinely breaches its calendar year limit for toxic air some time in late January. A place with an extensive and all things considered pretty well run public transport network. An old, organically grown, unplanned city with a
stressfully charmingly illogical street layout. Even if I had ever felt the burning desire to learn how to drive, the logistics and morals of doing so in London would likely have put a pretty quick and brutal end to that. It’s enough just seeing what the people in cars go through—and feeling what my lungs go through—when I cycle to work.
But I’m not a fool. I know there may still come a point when I have to learn how to do this thing. This stupid, expensive, planet-killing thing. I’ll probably have to figure it out sooner or later, when practicality overwhelms principle. At least it’ll be darkly funny. I’ll be learning to drive just as the cars begin to drive themselves and as the cumulative fumes of everyone else’s exhaust farts finally choke the last remaining life out of the biosphere. Woo! Death rattle races here we go!
Anyway I’m told there’s a lot of rules out there, on the road. Rules that everyone follows righteously while also disregarding flippantly. The road is full of Schrodinger’s drivers. It’s fine. There’ll be no more rules by the time I learn. No rules bar one: Only the strongest survive. Fuel is life. Water, power. Drive, don’t look back.
On that note, and sticking with the present day, Reddit asks the question: ‘What rule of the road do most people forget?’ You can check out the full thread here, but below are some highlights:
Header Image Source: Warner Brothers