Can you believe that shit?
It’s only bloody Wednesday.
Here, look, blow off some steam. Have a strong cup of coffee, take five minutes, and rage, rage, rage against the shitty tropes that just refuse to die as Reddit asks the question: What makes you hate a movie immediately?
Bad expository dialogue. “But Mary, you always do this! I should know, I’m your brother!” People don’t talk like that.
Black Dynamite makes fun of this: “I am 18 year old Black Dynamite. And you are my 16 year old brother Jimmy. And you are high as a kite, yet again”
“The worse thing about these pushers getting these children addicted to this new smack is that these children are orphans, and orphans don’t have parents.”
Important plot points revolving around not having 5 minutes of adult conversation. “OMG, you were calling a cab for a drunk girl and some other person said it looked like you got into the cab with her? Let’s break up our five year relationship without talking about it ever then reconcile after we drunkenly fuck in a couple of years.”
Friendships, relationships, anything—if something big or important happens because two people couldn’t talk about something (especially if the “years/months” later dialogue involves something that explicitly says “Why didn’t we ever talk about this?”), I get angry/annoyed.
Or when people just don’t explain themselves.
“OMG, you were calling a cab for a drunk girl and some other person said it looked like you got into the cab with her? Let’s break up our five year relationship without talking about it ever…” is easily resolved by a simple “I didn’t get into the cab, I was making sure she had her keys so she could get into her place”.
But no, they have to have a huge fight for no reason and make some stupid, pointless life event of it.
My favourite is when they say “just let me explain!” Over and over until the person storms out instead of just actually explaining.
“We’re having an argument over something that could be easily explained if one of us would just let the other one speak”
“FUCK YOU I’M OUTTA HERE BECAUSE I DON’T WANNA LET YOU SPEAK”
“Batman wait, Lex Luthor has my mum who has the same name as your mum, please help me save her” “Sure thing man, no worries”
Intelligent characters behaving unintelligently to advance the plot.
“I’ll just take my helmet off while visiting this alien planet with obvious signs of biological activity”
“I’ll just get a little high while I’m lost in an alien cave…”
Two characters talking.
Character 1 walks away/gets out of the car seemingly at the end of the conversation.
Just as they get to the doorway/far away from the car, Character 2 calls their name.
Character 1 silently turns round.
Character 2 says some word of advice/warning/apology.
Character 1 stares at them for a moment before wordlessly walking away.
This happens so much and I absolutely despise it!
A poster framed by a woman’s legs.
If it’s a horror movie and a child draws some “spooky” picture. It’s overused, cliche, and I hate it.
Trailer giving away too many plot points or cameos means that there’s probably too little in the movie in the first place
I don’t think that there’s anything that makes me hate a movie immediately, but my biggest annoyance is when the hero is just better than the bad guy at whatever he’s supposed to be good at for no particular reason. “Believing in yourself” isn’t a good enough reason to all of a sudden be better than trained professionals who have been doing this for their entire lives.
Color grading. If it’s subtle and used sparingly I don’t mind, but when the entire movie is teal and orange or blue and green, it pisses me off. Can we have normal real life colors please?
Any time something remotely scary happens and they put in a big BWOOOOOOOOOOMMMMM sound to let the audience know a scary thing just happened.
Bonus points if it happens in a found footage movie.
The worst part, there’s some subtle movement in the distance or some character walking silently past some doorway in the background that would have totally creeped me out because I wouldn’t have even been sure if I had really seen it or not. But then they’re not sure the audience will see it so they put a huge fucking violin scratch over it that throws all the creepy subtly it had out the window.
CGI monsters that yell ‘at’ the camera.
When it’s an awesome movie by itself but they just had to throw in some cliche love drama that does nothing but distract from the actual plot and adds absolutely nothing.
Bad child actors
If there’s a fucking prophecy, you will lose all suspense.
“Oh boy I sure wonder if the prophecy comes true…”
When they try to add some sort of quirk to make the characters seem more developed… like “oooh, he’s an assassin but he only eats lasagne”… get to fuck, if you can’t write a compelling character, don’t try.
Any movie or TV show starring entirely gorgeous 18-24 year olds, wading through the epic meltdown of civilization with their bulletproof hair and makeup. Even if the story is excellent I can’t tell because Chad the Abs sounds like he’s being forced to read Lord of the Flies in front of the class and Subtle Cleavage Kelly has the emotional range of a bottle of tanning lotion. And the rest of the cast is 40+ years old and exists only to be defied by the 20 somethings.
When they explain bullshit as possible due to love, friendship, speedforce, willpower, determination or other such reasons
DC comics and “how does the flash work in the slightest?”
You’d understand it if you just ran faster
If they over-explain things, as if they think the audience is stupid. I just saw Ghost in the Shell, and the very first scene went something like this: Scarlett Johansson opens her eyes and says “What happened?” Her doctor says “You were in an accident and we could only save your brain. We put it in a robot body. So, like, your mind and spirit… YOUR GHOST… is in this fake body… A SHELL. So YOUR GHOST IS IN A SHELL.” My eyes went wide and I knew the rest of the film would be a shit show.