I love a good ‘freaky nature’ post, me. I’m completely in awe of all the totally batsh*t insane stuff that nature wantonly splashed all over this blue-green globe, and of the early humans who, when taking those first few drunk-staggering steps on their way out of the evolutionary yellow brick road looked around and rubbed their eyes with their still soil-covered knuckles after seeing the mad, beaked and tentacled bacchanal of death all around them, and who took it all in and somehow didn’t go ‘Nah, fu*k this, I’m out.’ That’s why I love threads like this AskReddit one, where users were asked, ‘What is the most terrifying creature on earth?’ You can check out the full thread here, but below are some highlights:
All great answers. But we still know the only real answer, is fu*king rabies-carrying bats!
Oh, and hey! You know what’s fun?
In 1980, Exxon held a meeting (PDF link) of their ‘AQ-9 Task Force’, convened to discuss the foreseeable threats that human-made (*COUGH*Exxon-made*COUGH*) climate change would likely pose, based on the already available science. (Famously of course, they—and other similar companies whose science divisions could also see the damage being done and the existential danger looming—would suppress these findings, and instead funnel millions upon millions of dollars into disinformation campaigns designed to obscure the danger and their culpability, thus damming the human species and vast swatches of life on earth.) What did the Exxon scientists find out? Well, as Reddit user u/1920sremastered put it so memorably:
CLIMATE MODELING - CONCLUSIONS
- 1C RISE (2005) : BARELY NOTICEABLE
(2019 - 1.1C RISE <—- you live here)
- 2.5C RISE (2038) : MAJOR ECONOMIC CONSEQUENCES, STRONG REGIONAL DEPENDENCE
- 5C RISE (2067) : GLOBALLY CATASTROPHIC EFFECTS
Looks like we’re entering the era of ‘major economic consequences’ with ‘strong regional dependence’. Pretty much on track. They were excellent scientists.
Forget rabies-carrying bats. The real answer is definitely ‘those c**ts at Exxon.’
Header Image Source: Getty Images