I was scrolling through Twitter, as I do, when I came across this Tweet:
Obviously I shared it immediately with the rest of the Overlords and we began to decipher the message so carefully and skillfully hidden in the image.
Jodi: What the shit is this painting?
Emily: I can’t tell what a lot of that nonsense is, but without a doubt, Trump just farted into his hand and is now throwing it at that small child.
Jodi: I think the snake at his feet symbolizes his administration. That plant is definitely racism being allowed to grow in front of The White House. The cops are applauding because they are able to purchase military-grade weapons to use against minorities. The applauding people are the poor that vote Republican because they don’t understand how anything works. The dog is embarrassed.
Genevieve: Oh no, there’s a garden of eden thing happening here. Trump has killed the snake as the attractive white couple nourish a new plant.
Jodi: He killed the BLACK snake while the WHITE people plant racism with the blessing of the White House
Genevieve: That pose of Trump’s is definitely traced over from a Jesus in something else.
Jodi: Probably from that one time Jesus threw a fart at Judas
Genevieve: That’s also definitely not what that area in front of the White House looks like. At all.
Jodi: The real area probably has less wounded vets
Genevieve: I like the guy directly to the left of the saluting Marine with his face in his hands like he’s the only one who knows how dumb this all is.
Jodi: The dude in the wheelchair can’t figure out why Pence brought him here for this.
Having cleverly decoded the secrets hidden in the enigma that is “You Are Not Forgotten”, I decided to head over to McNaughton’s website. It is called McNaughton Fine Art Company, because when you make a website you can name it whatever you want. Even lies.
The categories of art are as follows: Patriotic. Religious. Landscapes. Originals. Specials.
I don’t know what half of those mean as categories. Perhaps the Special Art has some fancy shiny paint in it or something.
I’m an idiot, so I went straight to the Patriotic category, which also has several subcategories sure to infuriate anyone who doesn’t worship at the feet of their politicians. Among the paintings I found was one of Andrew Breitbart called “No Fear”. Another was “The Con-Artist”, which confusingly was of Hillary Clinton and not McNaughton’s beloved moron Trump. There is also still a painting of President Obama golfing while the world burns behind him, the irony lost on McNaughton as he jerks out another painting of triple-chinned man-frog Trump to publicly declare his love.
I mean: “I sat down one afternoon with the goal to paint a nice portrait of President Trump. It’s interesting to see the time-lapse as the painting goes from the pencil to the final brush stroke. I am hopeful that President Trump will be able to help make America great again. He’s got the look he gets when the Fake News is trying to lie again. Go get them Trump!”
So he can’t paint and he can’t use punctuation properly.
I then turned to the section of the site called The Artist. I was expecting all caps, Comic Sans, and red letters screaming obscenities. Instead I found a ridiculous photo of McNaughton, staged to look natural as he pretended to sketch in front of a painting of Jesus holding a large paper and upsetting what I assume are Democrats.
“I have traveled to many places around the world to know my subjects, but when I work on a painting with many figures I will usually pose models and photograph them and then paint them as I see them in my mind. I choose to paint from the heart and evoke my personal vision into each painting.
I prefer to paint pictures that I believe have relevance to what is going on in the world, that make a statement, that stand for something. I hope people will study the paintings and try to understand the deeper meaning. Some of the themes are controversial, but I feel strongly about what is happening in our world today. There are three kinds of people who view my paintings: Those who like it, those who hate it, and those who simply don’t understand. I am especially interested in this last category. I hope my work will create conversation and reach people on a deeper level. I like to use metaphor and multiple levels of meaning to reach my viewer. If it makes them think and feel, then it is successful.”
Well, I think you’re a hack and I feel like I’ve wasted half an hour, so cheers to your success!