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We Are So Done With Pete Buttigieg

By Dustin Rowles | Politics | November 8, 2019 |

By Dustin Rowles | Politics | November 8, 2019 |


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I asked around the other day — for my own edification — if you had to choose between Biden and Buttigieg, who would you choose? I was surprised to find that everyone chose Biden (it was a progressive group). Mostly they believe that Buttigieg is more Republican than Democrat, and since the last debate, it certainly appears that he’s pivoted hard to the center/center-right in an attempt to cut into Biden’s lead among moderates. In that theoretical two-person race, I still slightly favored Buttigieg, mostly because I find the way that he uses religion as a cudgel against the Republicans very satisfying. But after seeing this? Even in that theoretical matchup with Biden, I am done with Buttigieg.

It’s the worst thing I’ve seen since learning that Donald Trump eats pizza with a fork. How can you trust a person like that? It’s appalling! Plus, everyone knows you eat the outsides of the cinnamon rolls first — you unwrap it — and you save the gooey center for last because you either 1) think it’s the best part, or 2) because it’s too sweet and you can’t be bothered to eat it.

Anyway, I’m done with Buttigieg! So is Drew Magary, by the by, who wrote a Hater’s Guide to Mayor Pete.

It does appear, however, that we have another contender in Mayor Bloomberg, because every billionaire white guy thinks that they’re the solution to our problems. Folks: He is 78. And putting everything else aside, all the money in the world isn’t going to buy him the Black vote in South Carolina and Nevada. He has zero chance in hell, so he should go ahead and put that money to good use by using it to back someone who actually matters.

Meanwhile, is this right? Late 2020? Maybe he means 2019?

Holder is a better option than Bloomberg. Politically, he’s Biden-esque without the name recognition. I wouldn’t have objected if he’d gotten in earlier, but at this point? Seems pointless (and again, it is still a rumor, anyway).

Our lady, Senator Warren, is getting a lot more critical coverage from the media, which is fair. That’s what happens when you share frontrunner status. If she wants to be the nominee, it’s something that she will have to weather. The coverage, however, that suggests that Warren is “angry” and “antagonistic”? Are you kidding me? What a bunch of sexist malarkey, as Biden might say. Have these people ever seen Elizabeth Warren? Sexism is the only reason anyone might conclude that she’s “angry.”

We do still have to contend with the battleground states, where Biden holds a substantial lead. Look: There’s no other way to put this. In order to win the Democratic nomination, a candidate has to win the Black vote. In order to win the Presidency, the nominee has to win some of the non-college white people vote in Michigan, Pennsylvania, and Wisconson.

I’m still on Team Warren. I’d like her to win it all. But if Black voters in South Carolina and the South decide that they don’t trust the white voters in Michigan, Wisconsin, and Pennsylvania to vote for Warren, I’m not exactly in a position to contradict them. If Trump wins another four years, it will be people of color who continue to feel the brunt of it. So if they nominate Biden, I’ll be disappointed, but I won’t be mad at it. Forty-percent of the Democratic electorate is non-white. If they can’t get excited about a candidate, we’re f**ked. We fare best when Black voters are enthusiastic about our candidate (Bill Clinton, Obama) and worse when they’re not enthusiastic (Hillary Clinton, John Kerry). So, I will vote my conscience but follow their lead, as long as it is a candidate who knows how to eat a goddamn cinnamon roll.



Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.


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