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Trump Supporters Boycotting Pepsi, Oreos, and Netflix; Let's Buy Pepsi and Oreos and Binge-Watch Stuff

By Courtney Enlow | Politics | November 16, 2016 |

By Courtney Enlow | Politics | November 16, 2016 |

Trump supporters have a lot to celebrate. Like all the racism. But they have a lot to be sad about, too. Like all the reverse racism against them that isn’t a thing. Poor babies. And there are also all these companies they can’t even utilize anymore because of how horrible and liberal and BASICALLY WITCHCRAFT they are.

Like Pepsi, because CEO Indra Nooyi spoke to the New York Times about her employees’ reactions to Trump’s election.

“They were all in mourning,” she said. “Our employees are all crying. And the question that they’re asking, especially those who are not white: ‘Are we safe?’ Women are asking: ‘Are we safe?’ LGBT people are asking: ‘Are we safe?’ I never thought I’d have had to answer those questions.”

GrubHub’s CEO, Matt Maloney, also met the wrath when he alerted his employees that discrimination has “no place at Grubhub,” that monster. According to Reddit, via Think Progress, these also include:

- Macy’s, because it won’t be bringing back Trump’s clothing line. - Amazon, because owner Jeff Bezos also owns the Washington Post, which investigated Trump’s life at length. - Oreos (though oddly not parent company Nabisco), because as Trump mentioned multiple times on the campaign trail, the cookie company moved its factories to Mexico. - The NFL, because Tampa Bay Buccaneers wide receiver Mike Evans sat during the national anthem on Sunday in protest of Trump’s election (though he has since said he’d find another way to express his concerns). - Netflix, because they believe its new documentary about the White Helmets, civilian first-responders who rescue people after attacks in the Syrian civil war, spreads propaganda for Al Qaeda. - Ben & Jerry’s, for supporting the Black Lives Matter movement.

On that note, even before this news, Pepsi was my preferred cola (Pepsi > Coca-Cola, but Diet Coke > Diet Pepsi, it’s a whole thing, THAT IS NOT WHAT THIS IS ABOUT, PEOPLE), Oreos my favorite cookie, and Netflix the only streaming service I pay for aside from Seeso, who I’m going to assume is anti-Trump too to make me feel good in my heart. Can you even imagine the sad sad lives of Trump supporters without these items?

If I were stranded on a desert island, which is starting to sound like a beautiful dream by the way, my one desperately desired treat would be Oreos smothered in peanut butter. Now, I don’t know peanut butter’s thoughts on Trump. Maybe I should Google that.

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Why did I think this was a good idea? What I was trying to say was that I’m going to get a case of Pepsi (my mom still buys it after a lifetime of purchasing weekly 24-can-cube packs for our lunches) and a shit-ton of Oreos covered in peanut butter and watch ALL THE NETFLIX.

You know. FOR FREEDOM.