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Trump Announced His Intent To Pardon Dinesh D’Souza, Because OF COURSE HE WILL

By Jodi Smith | Politics | May 31, 2018 |

By Jodi Smith | Politics | May 31, 2018 |


Are you having a good morning? NOT ANYMORE, CHUMPS. Our farcical “leader” took to the Official White House stationary set known as his Twitter timeline to announce yet ANOTHER pardon.

First of all, D’Souza pleaded guilty to all of the crimes he was accused of committing. If you don’t know, D’Souza is a right-wing garbage can, author, and commentator who admitted his guilt in violating federal campaign finance laws. He used straw donors to illegally contribute $100,000 to a Republican candidate in 2012. He was sentenced to a bitchassy five years probation, eight months of supervision in a residence known as a “community confinement center”, and levied a fine of $30,000.

This is the same genius who made fun of Parkland students fighting for gun control and talked smack about President Obama and presidential nominee Hillary Clinton during her 2016 run.

Second of all, why is a full pardon now like a fucking Monopoly “Get Out Of Jail Free” card that Orange Twatflap can just throw around like dollars in a strip club?? In his pitiful excuse for a presidency, he has pardoned former Vice President Dick Cheney’s chief of staff “Scooter” Libby for his obstruction of justice and perjury — just the kind of dude Trump likes. He also pardoned Joseph M. Arpaio, the former Arizona sheriff who treated inmates like animals and was convicted of willfully ignoring the law. Arpaio was a loud and proud Trump supporter that furthered Obama birther conspiracies, so that’s your reason right there. And then there’s that pardon he dished out for Kristian Saucier, an ex-Navy sailor who plead guilty to illegally retaining photos of classified areas of a nuclear submarine — a case Trump used as a talking point during the 2016 election as an example of someone punished for a lesser offense than what Hilary Clinton did with classified information (a.k.a. “But her emails!”).

Jack Johnson, the first black heavyweight boxing champion, received his pardon because Sylvester Stallone pushed for it and Trump is nothing if not a sucker for celebrity requests. Don’t let that actually relevant posthumous pardon make you think Trump cares or even understands, because he has no idea. He isn’t pardoning people for justice or a sense of fairness. He is pardoning people who are just like him and then apparently bending to the whims of any celebrity suggestions.

After all, this is the same individual that pushed for the death penalty in the case of the Central Park Five. DNA evidence successfully exonerated the five men from their conviction in a 1989 rape and assault. They did spend five years in jail before being released, but Trump never gave them the courtesy of due process he requests every time another shady member of his staff goes down in flames. If he thinks somehow all of this pardoning is warming him up to pardon himself and his family of miscreants, well, hurry up, Mueller.

Jodi Smith is a Senior Reporter, Film & Television at Pajiba. You can email her or follow her on Twitter.

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