As many of you know by now, Cameo is a platform where you can book a celebrity to record a personalized greeting, message, etc., or video-chat. I’ll be honest, this was a brilliant idea. Basically, they took the same basic concept as the overpriced speaking engagement industry, but on a micro-scale, with relatively affordable prices … for upper-middle-class people.
But Cameo also has a category for politics or “political commentators,” and I use “but” because I don’t like when politics becomes a spectator sport. I’m not talking about celebrities taking a political stance or running for office, but the world of politics itself becoming a spectacle. Keep Politics Nerdy Please. When politicians or political-adjacent people use something like Cameo as a revenue stream, it cheapens them. Also, conflicts of interests and tax fraud.
Of course, this entire argument is a load of self-righteous bollocks for the US and British right-wing, which dominates this category on Cameo. They, as Patton Oswalt once said, crave and grift for whatever glimmer of glitz and limelight might accidentally pass their way, even if it’s just from an orange-ish, energy-inefficient cathode streetlamp.
As of this writing, there are currently 86 “celebrities” in the politics category. Out of this, at least 4 are impersonators of the former guy, followed by a dozen or so more impersonators, activists, or comedians who went viral, foreign politicians, and some liberal radio hosts. And Jerry Springer.
At least 45 are spawned from the former guy/MAGA/Fox News/Conservative Talk Radio/Alt-right sphere. That’s not counting the impersonators and political comedians, or Gretchen Carlson, while we are at it. It’s the most pathetic, transparently grift-y and laziest attempt by these people to siphon cash from Karens and Chads in wealthy exurbs. Also, shitposter teens with a lot of disposable income.
I will give you a rundown of some of these characters, but here’s the thing: You are going to have to take my word for it. First, I don’t want to give these people more algorithmic visibility by linking to their Cameo entries, but also, I can’t provide you with screenshots, because a) it would be a licensing pain in the ass, and b) these people are very sensitive, easily triggered, easily insulted, prone to suing in SLAPP-friendly states and also Google themselves all the time. Be free to check for yourself if you want to. You may acquaint yourselves with some of them with the following video, which is a joy to watch, as they try to cope with the loss:
Defconman 1: People in the former guy’s administration, campaign, and legal team.
The Venn diagram between these people and those on the SDNY’s “soon” list is a perfect circle. We have people like Sean Spicer, Corey Lewandowsky, George Papadopoulos, Roger Stone, and Sebastian Gorka. George Papadopoulos is a sore spot for me. I am a chronic underachiever, more so four years ago, when he was indicted. Here is this guy, barely two years older than me with visible acne scars, and somehow he managed to find himself in front of Congressional Intelligence Committees, indicted on federal charges, and involved in major political conspiracies. That’s the moment I realized I had to do something about my life; there were Millennials out there going much further than me, even when doing crooked sh*t.
Then there are those who got f**ked by Trump, like Scaramucci, Michael Cohen, and Rudy Giuliani (but he hasn’t realized yet). Hilariously, Lewandowsky’s profile picture (standing beside the former guy) is not properly cropped; actually, this whole category is full of crappy profile pics. Also, Giuliani, as you might expect, doesn’t do his research:
The ringleader of the bunch is the former guy’s son, who started shilling here a few weeks ago. For “charity.” Society would actually be better served by giving that money, as a tax deduction, to an elite private school. His (still?) girlfriend is also here.
Who would actually want to be treated to a pre-recorded call by the former guy’s campaign manager? I wonder if there is a 12-year-old kid in a deep red county who got a Gorka cameo for Christmas instead of his favorite wrestler.
Defconman 2: Literal hate-mongers.
We have here people like gamergate organizer Mike Cernovich, vaccine denier, and obvious fascist gym-bro Graham Allen, and convicted Arizona sheriff Joe Arpaio. This is the part where I remind you that hosting some of these people is actually funneling money to fascists and if Cameo had any ethics, they would be banned. In particular, Arpaio, who should be renditioned to the ICC. I would also add Gina Loudon, from the women for the former guy cartel, also for excessive use of that “soap-opera” filter.
Defconman 3: Give me your has-beens, yearning to be free to whine about cancel-culture.
This category includes both political and Tinseltown has-beens. The biggest “star” here is Sarah Palin. We can also find Britain’s largest toad, known as Nigel Farage. Then we have Antonio Sabato (either the original or the Jr., can’t tell them apart), a former Pussycat Doll, and the never-were’s, like that Joy Villa one (the one who wore a MAGA flag to the Grammys) or some videoclip director who apparently worked with Akon and The Smashing Pumpkins. Here is where things get sad and funny at the same time: nobody seems to be hiring them if we go by the reviews. Farage and Palin are doing fine, but Sabato has less than two-dozen and Joy Villa merely two, and the latter is shilling for only $45 a video.
Defconman 4: Various pundits and viral stars trying to make it to the next level.
The most high-profile one here is Jason Chaffetz, who chose a professional profile pic that is unflattering as hell. Then we have others like Tammy Lasagña, assorted local radio hosts, that Ken Bone guy (obviously a secret MAGA), and something called a Tina Fuerte, a nutter.
Defconman 5: I threw people like me under the bus and all I got was a lousy $50 bucks for a chat with a white Arkansas kid who likes rap and uses the n-word.
I can assure you that the Diamond & Silk duo were featured here and are no longer available, and I know it’s because no one, and I mean NO ONE was hiring them. This category is reserved for people of color and/or LGTBQI+ who are still sticking up for the far-right. It’s not my place to comment any further, but what I can do is make fun of how little success they have had. The exception, unfortunately, is the Hodgetwins. But others like Terrence K. Williams have under 15 reviews.
Cameo is perfectly tailored for niche and bubbles. You notice this when every. single. review. is a 5-star review. A 4.8 average is a poor one. I don’t expect political figures to distance themselves from this hustle any time soon. At least that’s one major difference between the GOP and the Democrats. You won’t find the latter on Cameo. Yet.
(Also, Rod Blagojevich is here and it would make for the greatest gag gift. Birthday on April 6th. Hint-Hint.)
Header Image Source: Kris Connor/Getty Images