The story of Jacob Wohl is absolutely amazing, and maybe the best story of the entire political season.
Jacob Wohl is a former 19-year-old hedge fund manager who was banned by the National Futures Association for life for defrauding investors. Out of that game, Wohl — now 20 — became something of a huge pro-Trump media star/conspiracy theorist who ran a blog that plagiarized its code of ethics from ProPublica.
It also turns out that Jacob Wohl — along with Jack Burkman, a Newsmax radio/tv personality — had been offering women large sums of money to falsely claim that Robert Mueller had sexually harassed them. As part of the conspiracy, Jacob Wohl created a private investigation firm called Surefire Intelligence to frame Mueller.
This is Jacob Wohl, who also writes for the Gateway Pundit.
This man is a nutty right-wing conspiracy theorist who’s about to get his ass busted by Robert Mueller.— Mikel Jollett (@Mikel_Jollett) October 30, 2018
And the other guy is Jacob Wohl. pic.twitter.com/qxtDtwcPgI
As we wrote about yesterday, Burkman and Wohl had been shopping around this story, about women being sexually harassed by Robert Mueller, to a number of media outlets, all of which rejected the story because it didn’t hold up. It smelled like a hoax. Nevertheless, Wohl and Burkman continued to push it, also using Gateway Pundit to do so.
Several media sources tell me that a scandalous story about Mueller is breaking tomorrow. Should be interesting. Stay tuned!— Jacob Wohl (@JacobAWohl) October 30, 2018
Yesterday, Robert Mueller referred them to the FBI for investigation. Wohl denied any involvement.
The MSM has launched a coordinated smear campaign against me, claiming that I offered money to a woman to make accusations against Mueller? Their claims are BASELESS!— Jacob Wohl (@JacobAWohl) October 30, 2018
Who is this "woman"?
But here’s the kicker, from NBC News:
Wohl declined to comment on his involvement with Surefire Intelligence. However, his email is listed in the domain records for Surefire Intelligence’s website and calls to a number listed on the Surefire Intelligence website went to a voicemail message which provided another phone number, listed in public records as belonging to Wohl’s mother.
Wohl stopped responding to NBC News after being told Surefire’s official phone number redirects to his mother’s voicemail.
His mother’s voicemail? HA!
Jacob, it's been a dark week for news. There's been a lot of sadness in the world and a lot of pain. And I want to thank you for being so utterly fucking incompetently stupid that everyone feels just a little bit better. Also, say hi to your mom for me.— Mike Drucker (@MikeDrucker) October 30, 2018
Gateway Pundit quickly pulled the story, and tweeted this: “Earlier today we were given information on accusations against former FBI Director Robert Mueller. We took the documents down and are currently investigating these accusations. There are also serious allegations against Jacob Wohl. We are also looking into this.”
Somehow, it gets better. If you go to the Surefire Intelligence website, the pictures of all of its employees are models… and Christoph Waltz!
Surefire Intelligence's "Tel Aviv Station Chief" is an Israeli supermodel pic.twitter.com/W6S8IOhT5P— Aric Toler (@AricToler) October 30, 2018
Surefire Intelligence's "Financial Investigator" in Zurich is Christoph Waltz. What a great hire! pic.twitter.com/Leu1KLe0XC— Aric Toler (@AricToler) October 30, 2018
There are so many delicious little details in the Jacob Wohl story, but my favorite is that Christoph Waltz is Surefire's "financial investigator" — based in Zurich! — because that is just a phenomenal casting decision tbh.— Matt Fuller (@MEPFuller) October 31, 2018
Meanwhile, the managing partner of Surefire Intelligence looks an awful lot like … Jacob Wohl.
Odd. Jacob Wohl says he doesn't know nuttin' about Surefire Intelligence, the firm tied to the bizarre Mueller allegations. Take a look at the photos below of Mathhew Cohen, head of 'Surefire,' and of Jacob Wohl. pic.twitter.com/Q1rAW4wkPO— Jane Mayer (@JaneMayerNYer) October 30, 2018
You cannot make this up.
Can you die from cringing? Because I’m reading this Surefire Intelligence reporting and pretty sure I’m close.— Chris Hayes (@chrislhayes) October 30, 2018
Not following this Jacob Wohl stuff in detail but seems like some Zeno's Paradox thing where whenever you think you've reached the asymptote of stupidity it somehow becomes 50% stupider.— Nate Silver (@NateSilver538) October 31, 2018
You can really see why guys like Jacob Wohl lamprey themselves so hard onto Trump because the largesse of a white patriarchy is the only chance that dolt has. Numb-nuts like him will get absolutely eaten alive in a meritocracy— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) October 31, 2018
Nothing will ever be as funny as Jacob Wohl thinking he can take on Mueller because he gets the most likes under Trump tweets by writing stuff like “Jesus would have been jealous of your perfect body, Sir!”— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) October 31, 2018
One other kicker: Wohl was ratted out by one of the Krassenstein Brothers, and Think Progress summarizes this aptly:
In a sentence straight out of a Mad Lib written by someone who spends way too much time on Twitter, one of the Krassenstein brothers, the infamous anti-President Donald Trump grifters, reported Jacob Wohl, a prominent pro-Trump grifter, to the FBI over an apparent plot to discredit special counsel Robert Mueller’s investigation of Russian election interference.
In the meantime, Jacob Wohl is still moving ahead with his press conference.
On my way to Washington DC. Will I see you at the Press Conference?— Jacob Wohl (@JacobAWohl) October 31, 2018
What a monumental f*cking disappointment you’ve turned out to be Jacob.— Jacob Wohl’s Mom (@wohl_mom) October 31, 2018