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Ted Cruz Reportedly a Basketball Star, Still a Total D-Bag

By Kylie Cheung | Politics | January 24, 2017 |

By Kylie Cheung | Politics | January 24, 2017 |

Tuesday has been a fairly depressing day in politics, with President Donald Trump reinstating the environmental and humanitarian disasters that are the Keystone XL and Dakota pipelines which President Obama had just shut down, the day after he reinstated a Reagan-era law prohibiting global organizations from offering information on abortion and family planning. Just when you were thinking, “How am I supposed to endure four more years of this shit?”, well, here’s how: firstly, through activism, advocacy, solidarity, and never giving up hope or ceasing to fight for what’s right, and secondly, through regularly indulging in a delightful laugh at Ted Cruz’s expense.

In a Monday profile on the “new Ted Cruz” by Politico, Deadspin’s Ashley Feinberg and her flawless attention to detail discovered this juicy tidbit: Cruz is reportedly a basketball star. Yes, really. Or maybe not really, but at the very least a man pathetically desperate enough for friends that he tried to arrange senate basketball games for bonding.

Such efforts serve as a transparent attempt to get people to like him, but considering his colleagues continued to call him “Lucifer in the flesh,” it’s safe to say the basketball games failed to establish the lifelong friendships Cruz sought.

From the Politico report:

Cruz appears intent on building—and in some cases repairing—personal relationships with Republican senators. He started a weekly basketball game in the Russell Building, for example, and has been urging colleagues to attend. (Cruz is said to be a surprisingly good jump-shooter with miserable form.) Tim Scott has played, and Marco Rubio is said to be joining soon.

Ted Cruz doing a jump-shot? And with “miserable form”? Seriously, C-Span, do your job and get some footage of this, stat. Maybe House Speaker Paul Ryan’s calls for a ban on livestreaming last month actually had less to do with hiding Republican bullshit and tyranny, and more to do with sparing Republican senators like Ted Cruz inevitable social media humiliation.

To his credit, however, Cruz was able to muster a sense of humor when Deadspin asked for proof of Cruz’s basketball skills.

That’s Duke star Grayson Allen, who bears a slight resemblance to Cruz (minus the immensely punchable mug).

The Twitter exchange escalated from there.

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