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Post-Election America to See White Baby Boom Thanks to Sex Appeal of Donald Trump

By Dustin Rowles | Politics | October 26, 2016 |

By Dustin Rowles | Politics | October 26, 2016 |

I clearly have a lot to learn about the sexual desires of white women. I mean, when I see this photo, I can actually feel my libido leave my body, jump a train to NYC, take an elevator to the top of the Empire State Building, run past Meg Ryan, leap over the fence and plunge to its death.

But like I said, I clearly don’t know a lot about the turn-ons of white women. Radio host and “journalist” for Return of Kings — which seeks to resuscitate masculinity in America — is obviously much more versed in the inner workings of the female libido, what with all that testosterone-drenched chest hair. He actually thinks that white women are secretly obsessed with Donald Trump, and will be so overcome by his victory in November that they’ll start making babies by the millions.

Hospitals better open up their new wings by next August, because these secret white women who are going to put Donald Trump in office are apparently going to go into heat on November 9th, so don’t throw those Donald Trump serial killer masks in the dumpster after Halloween, fellas, because they could be your ticket to fatherhood.

To get you white ladies in the mood, here’s some “poetry” from Return of Kings:

The hard truth is that battered women respect their abusers more than any man in their lives and it’s as simple as that. A man who won’t put his hands on a female won’t get as much respect from said female as a man who does. Sad but true.

Infidelity works exactly the same way. If your woman doesn’t think you’ll cheat on her, or worse, doesn’t think you could cheat on her she loses respect and attraction for you. Similar to raising your voice at her or being physically abusive, it shows her that you have the ability to grab your Y chromosome, show some testicular fortitude and won’t hesitate to do so if the situation warrants.

No, she’s not gonna like it when she finds out you were balls deep in your side chick last night. Yes, she’ll cry and scream and throw a tantrum. But she’ll be infinitely more loyal to you than her ex who told her he’d never dream of cheating on her because he loved her ‘more than life itself.’

Wait, WHAT?


via Wonkette

Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.

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