Please Don't Vote for Pete Buttigieg

By Dustin Rowles | Politics | February 7, 2020 |

By Dustin Rowles | Politics | February 7, 2020 |

I swear to God, there are two kinds of Democrats right now: The kind that believes that Bernie Sanders is our only chance to beat Donald Trump because he will expand the party, energize the youth, and get out the vote; and the kind that believes that Bernie Sanders is the next Walter Mondale/George McGovern/Michael Dukakis because he will alienate the suburban voters and independents necessary to beat Trump. There are good arguments for and against both, namely that those hardcore Bernie voters won’t vote unless he’s the nominee, but also, who are those suburban voters going to vote for instead? Trump? How is Bernie less palatable than Trump?

I’m pretty scared about it, tbh. We have spent four years working ourselves into a lather about beating Donald Trump, and we have everything we need now to trounce him in November except … a candidate we can unite behind (last call to New Hampshirites to reconsider Warren, who may not be quite as progressive as Bernie, but she’s also less alienating to suburban voters, who decidedly did not turn out for Sanders in Iowa, where Sanders also failed to expand the party).

Like most Democrats, I am firmly in the, “I will vote for a toaster” over Donald Trump; I would legitimately turn out to the polls and vote for Mitt Romney over Trump. In fact, Mitt Romney might be a more attractive candidate than Pete Buttigieg.

I can stomach any Democratic candidate in November, but for the love of Christ, please do not let it be Pete Buttigieg. My father-in-law lives in small-town New Hampshire. He works the polls at every election. He’s pretty in tune with the state’s politics, which he says absolutely abhors Trump. New Hampshire hasn’t really gotten behind a candidate yet, either, but there is a particular demographic in New Hampshire that loves Pete Buttigieg. It’s the grandmother demographic. It’s the “Oh, he’s a nice boy,” demographic. Old white women love Pete Buttigieg because he will not upset the apple cart. His typical voter looks like this:

Actually, that’s Pete Buttigieg’s mother, but the point stands.

The biggest problem with Buttigieg besides — waves toward his entire aura — is that if anyone is going to be the Mondale/McGovern/Dukakis of 2020, it’s going to be Pete Buttigieg. The man claims that he can unify the party, but besides this woman —

— and her book club, I don’t know who actually likes him. F**k the electability argument people have against Elizabeth Warren. Buttigieg is the least electable candidate in the top tier, and it’s not because he’s gay (in fact, as far as I can tell, it’s his biggest selling point besides his ability to speak 14 words in six different languages), it’s because he’s a pud. If you’re afraid that suburban women won’t show up for Bernie, what about the entire progressive wing of the party? Or people of color? Or the working class? He may be 478 times smarter than Donald Trump, but watching him “Well, actually” Trump for 90 minutes is going to sink him. The man’s got nothing. No vision. No real platform, except a sort of amorphous, focus-tested blob of other positions combined with a smug sense of entitlement.

This man does not have your back. He doesn’t plan to fight for the policies of the Democratic party. He wants to change the policies of the Democratic party to appeal to more centrists and Republicans. Pete Buttigieg will sell our asses out to the highest bidder to further his own ambitions. He is … the Paul Ryan of Democrats. Also, he has no idea how to eat a f**king cinnamon roll.

But yes, of course, I will vote for him if he’s the nominee.