film / tv / politics / social media / lists / web / celeb / pajiba love / misc / about / cbr
film / tv / politics / web / celeb


Pennsyltucky Midterms: Trump & Kavanaugh Are Still Big Winners Out Here (Kill Me)

By Mike Redmond | Politics | November 7, 2018 |

By Mike Redmond | Politics | November 7, 2018 |


Right upfront, I don’t want this to be a doom and gloom post. The Democrats took control of the House, and that is no way insignificant. It might not be the big, sexy #BlueWave win that a lot of people were hoping for, but a lot of the races were way tighter than they should have been. But if your response is to start rolling your eyes about Nancy Pelosi or the “old guard” running the show, I have a basket of assorted dicks for you to feast on because here’s exactly what would’ve happened if the GOP held the House. This comes from local congressman Scott Perry (R-PA) on the night of his narrow re-election win in a new, un-gerrymandered district that still couldn’t overcome Pennsyltucky’s love for Trump.

From PennLive:

As for top priorities?

Perry said his would be taking another shot at the full repeal and replacement of the Affordable Care Act, commonly known as Obamacare.

The House’s repeal effort fell just short in the U.S. Senate last year, and Perry said that if his party retains majority control in the House, another run at that goal would be at or near be the top of the list, especially with a larger GOP majority anticipated in the Senate.

“We would take a run at that if we’re fortunate enough to remain in the majority,” Perry said.

Keep in mind, Republicans just spent the entire midterm campaign claiming to be the stalwart defenders of pre-existing conditions, and the second this asshole wins, he wants to repeal Obamacare. Thankfully, that’s not going to happen, but that’s not the axe I came here to grind.

Just a few days before the election, Perry’s campaign telegraphed that early polling numbers were freaking them out, so they got down to some old school mudslinging. Because it doesn’t even matter now, I’m not going to get into the bullshit details, but you can read about it below.

Long story short, Perry’s Democratic opponent George Scott posed for a gag photo in 1989 after taking part in Operation Just Cause, which ousted Panama dictator Manuel Noreiga. According to Scott and the other soldiers involved, the troops were just blowing off steam and in the middle of making a video to send back home to their families celebrating their win. But because Republicans lack the capacity for nuance, the photo was something that happened a long time, so therefore it’s exactly like Brett Kavanaugh being accused of sexual assault and must be treated as such. End thought process.

PennLive reports:

“Because the press isn’t reporting anything about this guy that’s really important to people of Central Pennsylvania to know who he is. And that’s part of who he is,” Perry said.

“This is a job interview where he’s running for one of the highest offices in the land, and that’s a judgment issue.

Dauphin County Commissioner Jeff Haste countered the statement Scott released Friday night in which he said the photo was from 29 years ago with an unloaded gun.

“How can it be that they want to hold Republicans accountable for what they did 30 years ago, but when it’s a Democrat candidate, it’s not something we’re supposed to worry about?” he asked, referencing the confirmation hearings of U.S. Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh.

Yeah! Why aren’t more people concerned with a photo where everyone involved openly admits it’s a joke and literally no one involved is sexually assaulted? What the hell? It’s almost like the Brett Kavanaugh accusations were an actual crime that required the White House limiting an FBI investigation or else he’d be in deep shit, but nah, that can’t be right.

But, seriously, my point here is to make a record of the fact that Republicans have learned absolutely nothing from the Kavanaugh hearings, which was made stupidly clear with Jacob Wohl’s hilarious crash-and-burn attempt to fabricate fake accusations of sexual assault against Special Counsel Robert Mueller. And I genuinely believe Wohl thought he was onto something. When your echo chamber repeatedly tells you that rape accusations are a liberal lie that George Soros pays the to media fall for every time, why wouldn’t your dumb ass think that’s a hammer you can just pick up and swing around? What’s an alpha bro like Wohl supposed to do, actually contemplate the power dynamics involved in sexual assault and the overwhelming lack of justice for its victims? Pfft. That’s for egghead cucks who can’t control their women like Jesus did in The Bible. “Whereth be my sandwich?” The Lord often said. “Vote pro-life, or I’ll jump out of your shower and send you to Hell” was another favorite.

And, sadly, that’s the kind of thought process that wins elections out here in Pennsyltucky. But by a decreasing margin, so there’s hope. — Wait, holy shit, was I just optimistic about politics? That can’t be right. Let me read this over again.

Amendment 4 Restores The Right To Vote To More Than A Million Ex-Felons, Including 'RuPaul's Drag Race's Latrice Royale | Ariana Grande Responds To Pete Davidson Split With 'First Wives Club' Homage

Mike is a Staff Contributor living in Pennsyltucky. You can follow him on Twitter.

Header Image Source: Getty