Paul Ryan Officially Retires and Twitter Has Jokes and Scorn

By Dustin Rowles | Politics | April 11, 2018 |

By Dustin Rowles | Politics | April 11, 2018 |

As we reported earlier, Paul Ryan has retired. He made it official with this announcement.

Speaker Paul Ryan: "I am announcing that this year will be my last one as a member of the House." pic.twitter.com/OzqRv5LeEt

— Josh Caplan (@joshdcaplan) April 11, 2018

After you’re done rolling your eyes, please enjoy these tweets.

Retiring from my $250,000 job at 48 to spend more time hanging around with my teen kids, like a normal hard working guy.

— Poor Freelance Writer (@lukeoneil47) April 11, 2018

Paul Ryan is retiring to spend more time with his children. It would be great if he gave them something to be proud of and stand up to the tyrant who is trying to destroy this country.

— Roland Scahill (@rolandscahill) April 11, 2018

Paul Ryan "if I am here for one more term, my kids will only have ever known me as a weekend dad."

Meanwhile tens of millions of other kids will know Speaker Ryan as the man who tried to eliminate Children's Healthcare CHIP & who stole healthcare from millions of disabled & poor

— UNITE & FIGHT (@stopthenutjob) April 11, 2018

Paul Ryan's legacy? Wasn't it basically just saying over and over: "look, I don't want to do racism, but if that's what we have to do to give more money to the rich then I guess we have to do it."

— Existential Comics (@existentialcoms) April 11, 2018

Paul Ryan's a bit like John Kelly in that the media started out with a caricature of him—in Ryan's case, as a wonkish, reasonable, deficit hawk and fiscal conservative—that was pretty impervious to contrary evidence.

— Nate Silver (@NateSilver538) April 11, 2018

I will never forget Paul Ryan taking the stage at the RNC in Tampa and touting a debt-reduction plan to a wildly enthusiastic crowd … omitting the fact that he had voted against that very plan a few months earlier.
It helped teach me that facts don't always matter. https://t.co/7bhqEiwW8S

— Scott Maxwell (@Scott_Maxwell) April 11, 2018

Great to hear my dad, Paul Ryan, will be spending more time in Wisconsin so the rest of my (real) family can disappointedly scowl at him in person

— erin ryan (@morninggloria) April 11, 2018

Paul Ryan is retiring to focus on his true passion: sending thoughts and prayers.

— Late Night with Seth Meyers (@LateNightSeth) April 11, 2018

Good luck to Paul Ryan on his next endeavor: Making the underwater city from Bioshock a reality.

— Mike Drucker (@MikeDrucker) April 11, 2018

Paul Ryan would hunt poor people for sport if he could get away with it. He will not be missed.

— ＢｅｎＤａｖｉｄ Ｇｒａｂｉｎｓｋｉ (@bdgrabinski) April 11, 2018

Paul Ryan:

2016: Give Trump a chance!

2017: He's new at this!

2018: Ok, our country is fucked! But those tax breaks yo. I'm just going to bail with my private jet & blame the kids so good luck with the whole saving what's left of the US…

— Alt Fed Employee (@Alt_FedEmployee) April 11, 2018

BREAKING: Knowing in whatever globulous infection stands in for his heart that he's a spineless loser who's failed and screwed the American people in countless ways, Paul Ryan announces "You Can't Fire Me, I Quit."

— Randi Mayem Singer (@rmayemsinger) April 11, 2018

My sincerest wish for Paul Ryan in his political retirement is a high concept movie miracle whereby he never collects a dime of social security, contracts a vile illness without health coverage and is permanently ineligible from Medicare and Medicaid.

— Randi Mayem Singer (@rmayemsinger) April 11, 2018

Effete Objectivist Paul Ryan resigns as High Priest of Libertarian Death Cult, to take job on television spewing rhetorical flatulence. pic.twitter.com/GVzdVBuAsl

— DPRK News Service (@DPRK_News) April 11, 2018

Paul Ryan suddenly disappears. Turns out he WAS NEVER REALLY THERE. Sitting cross-legged on a rock millions of miles away, he smiles and fades away, becoming one with the tax cuts for the wealthy.

— Death Star PR (@DeathStarPR) April 11, 2018

Goodbye, Paul Ryan. No one will miss you.