Did you hear? Lyin’ Ted Cruz is now Beautiful Ted Cruz. He’s so dreamy!
It’s not too often that the President changes a man’s nickname, although Ted Cruz’s father still definitely killed JFK.
President Trump tells me he doesn’t regret implying Ted Cruz’s dad killed JFK. “I don’t regret anything.”— Kaitlan Collins (@kaitlancollins) October 22, 2018
I know the Pajiba 10 voting doesn’t begin until next year, but it’s never too early to get the ball rolling on Beautiful Ted. I mean, the man has everything! He’s close buddies with the NRA; he’s actually sponsored legislation to get rid of Obamacare (and preexisting conditions) — hell, he shut down the government over the ACA! He opposes DACA, he opposes the legalization of marijuana; he doesn’t believe that humans contribute to climate change, and he’s even criticized NASA for doing too much research into climate change! Those silly old fools! Who cares about the future of the planet. Beautiful Ted Cruz is living for the now, son. Unfortunately, fellas: He’s off limits to you. Ted Cruz opposes gay marriage and believes that homosexuality is a choice, so you are just going to have to “choose” not to be in love with this beautiful man.
I know how hard that’s gonna be for you.
“Beautiful Ted” pic.twitter.com/5P94zLumLu— 👻 John HalloSween 👻 (@jb_sweeney) October 22, 2018
TRUMP: You were always Beautiful Ted.— siraj hashmi (@SirajAHashmi) October 22, 2018
CRUZ [whispers]: I know. pic.twitter.com/miYh0uKYbS
Beautiful Ted pic.twitter.com/Rwku3Xnh3W— Adore My Stable Geniusness (@Msaderhold) October 22, 2018
Beautiful Ted pic.twitter.com/h1BjLoYyPL— Yeet Me to Hell (@verysmallanna) October 22, 2018
HE'S NOT LYIN' TED ANYMORE HE'S BEAUTIFUL TED pic.twitter.com/fFmGjtErCx— Willie Everstop (@WillieEverstop) October 22, 2018
When Beautiful Ted walks in the room pic.twitter.com/KfvcCeNQMD— The Credible Chucky 🎃 (@DaCredibleChulk) October 22, 2018
Beautiful Ted pic.twitter.com/WiUs6KmSX5— Orli Matlow (@HireMeImFunny) October 22, 2018
Beautiful Ted pic.twitter.com/xfmQ6CCaQW— 🧠𝕰𝖛𝖎𝖑 𝕸𝖚𝖙𝖆𝖓𝖙 𝕮𝖔𝖜𝖇𝖔𝖞🤠 (@OfficialGrif) October 22, 2018
Beautiful Ted pic.twitter.com/TwVMg0MROA— Mike (@85mf) October 22, 2018
Beautiful Ted pic.twitter.com/iTTbMrihdE— Callie Beusman (@cal_beu) October 22, 2018
Beautiful Ted pic.twitter.com/NRtyDAQOP3— Ira (@ira) October 23, 2018
You folks may want to shuffle around your Freebies list to make room for Beautiful Ted. Unfortunately, voting doesn’t start until next July, and it’s possible that Cruz will no longer be a Senator, but that shouldn’t affect your love for him. He’ll always be beautiful to us.