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Pajiba 10 For Your Consideration: Beautiful Ted

By Dustin Rowles | Politics | October 23, 2018 |

By Dustin Rowles | Politics | October 23, 2018 |


Did you hear? Lyin’ Ted Cruz is now Beautiful Ted Cruz. He’s so dreamy!

It’s not too often that the President changes a man’s nickname, although Ted Cruz’s father still definitely killed JFK.

I know the Pajiba 10 voting doesn’t begin until next year, but it’s never too early to get the ball rolling on Beautiful Ted. I mean, the man has everything! He’s close buddies with the NRA; he’s actually sponsored legislation to get rid of Obamacare (and preexisting conditions) — hell, he shut down the government over the ACA! He opposes DACA, he opposes the legalization of marijuana; he doesn’t believe that humans contribute to climate change, and he’s even criticized NASA for doing too much research into climate change! Those silly old fools! Who cares about the future of the planet. Beautiful Ted Cruz is living for the now, son. Unfortunately, fellas: He’s off limits to you. Ted Cruz opposes gay marriage and believes that homosexuality is a choice, so you are just going to have to “choose” not to be in love with this beautiful man.

I know how hard that’s gonna be for you.

You folks may want to shuffle around your Freebies list to make room for Beautiful Ted. Unfortunately, voting doesn’t start until next July, and it’s possible that Cruz will no longer be a Senator, but that shouldn’t affect your love for him. He’ll always be beautiful to us.

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Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.

Header Image Source: Warner Brothers