Mitch McConnell Is Not OK

By Dustin Rowles | Politics | July 27, 2023 |

By Dustin Rowles | Politics | July 27, 2023 |

It’s not considered proper to kick someone when they’re down, but there are exceptions. One such case might be the man arguably more responsible than anyone for the ultra-conservative takeover of the Supreme Court: Mitch McConnell, who once held the title of the most evil man in Congress. While his politics haven’t changed, McConnell now ranks approximately 32nd on that list — he’s not even the most ‘evil’ man in the Senate anymore (that title belongs to Tommy Tuberville).

McConnell is, however, still the most powerful Republican in office. This is presumably why his team continues to trot out the 81-year-old in front of the press, despite clear health issues. Yesterday, for instance, McConnell stopped mid-sentence and spent 30 seconds in an odd trance, imagining — I assume — children being maimed on a merry-go-round. That’s his happy place.

Here is footage of when McConnell seemed to just stop mid-sentence pic.twitter.com/4o8xKdWiwc

— Acyn (@Acyn) July 26, 2023

Could it be that the Senate Minority leader is an AI in need of a reboot during a press conference?

This incident is not the first health scare for McConnell. In fact, we still don’t have an explanation for why McConnell’s hands and lips turned blue two years ago.

Georgia turning blue faster than Mitch McConnell’s hands pic.twitter.com/c5REblLqdc

— Logic (@The1stGentleman) January 6, 2021

More recently, he fell and suffered a concussion and broken ribs, resulting in a six-week absence from the Senate. That incident was reported, but two other falls were not disclosed until this week. In one incident, he slipped and fell during a meeting with Finnish President Sauli Niinistö, but managed to get back up and dust himself off. However, earlier this month, he ate shit while disembarking a plane. These incidents are in addition to a fall at his home in 2019 that resulted in a shoulder fracture. This frequency of falls might be expected from an Olympic skier, but it’s concerning for a sitting Senator.

These incidents raise questions about the age of our elected officials, including our current President, Joe Biden — who is 80 — and the former President, Donald Trump, who is 77. Even they are spring chickens compared to Dianne Feinstein, who is 90 and struggles with remembering where she is. Likewise, Chuck Grassley, at 89, still has five years left in his term as an Iowa Senator.

While it’s commendable that advances in medicine and technology have allowed the average (socioeconomically advantaged) American to live well into their 80s and 90s, it doesn’t necessarily imply that individuals of this age should be making the most important decisions for our government, although the relative youth of Congressional members like Lauren Boebert and Matt Gaetz obviously offer them no advantage. Meanwhile, as comforting as it might be to consider McConnell leaving office, who knows what kind of wingnut is waiting in the wings.