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Liveblogging The Second Democratic Presidential Debate (Wednesday Edition)

By Dan Hamamura | Politics | July 31, 2019 |

By Dan Hamamura | Politics | July 31, 2019 |


Welcome! America is now a mere 461 460 days away from the 2020 General Election, which reminds me, you’re all registered to vote, right? It’s never too early to make sure you didn’t “accidentally” get dropped from the voter rolls.

Tonight is the second second debate, not to be confused with the first second debate, which took place last night.


10:48: Obviously I can’t actually assess what happened, since all I saw were closing arguments.

So instead here’s a series of reactions based solely on canned closing arguments!

De Blasio: Really puts the BLAH in De Blasio, amirite?
Bennet: zzzzzzzzzz
Inslee: Appreciate the message. Distracted by the glasses.
Gillibrand: Filling the Klobuchar “I swear I can beat Trump” lane tonight, I guess?
Gabbard: Oh cool, thanks for bringing up that fucking terrifying message Hawaii received last year.
Castro: Proved he speaks Spanish.
Yang: Applause line in his closing? (How’d he do the rest of the night?)
Booker: Not crying, bro.
Harris: Did you know Harris was a prosecutor?
Biden: *Threatens America with the thought of “eight more years” of Trump*

Follow-up: why is everyone mentioning their websites like their name is Martin O’Malley?

Anyway, I look forward to going through the comments to see what I missed, because I am certain it will be both more informative, and more entertaining than cable news post-game.

10:30: I AM SO SORRY. I just got here. What’d I miss?

8:20: — Dan’s not here yet due to work obligations, so this is Dustin checking in, but I’m just gonna go ahead and skip down to the comments and hang out until Dan arrives.

7:30: Welcome! Did you watch last night? If so, I’m so sorry.

Tonight’s lineup features the following candidates:

Contenders: Joe Biden, Kamala Harris

Could Stick Around Through The Fall: Cory Booker, Julian Castro, Andrew Yang

I Don’t Dislike You But You’re Not Gonna Get The Nomination: Kirsten Gillibrand, Jay Inslee

Please Go Away: Bill de Blasio, Michael Bennet, Tulsi Gabbard

Circumstances may keep me from being here for the start of the debate tonight, but I’ll join in as soon as I can. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but the fact that CNN is gonna waste 30 minutes of our time up top may actually work out in my favor.

I think so far you’ve all been great, but as always, be decent to one another in the comments, please and thank you.

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Dan is the Comedy Editor and Podjiba Host. You can listen to him scream into the void on Twitter, or listen to him host the weekly TV podcast Podjiba.

Header Image Source: Getty Images