Just Put a Swastika On There And Be Done With It

By Jen Maravegias | Politics | August 5, 2021 |

By Jen Maravegias | Politics | August 5, 2021 |

The latest grift by The Former Guy (TFG) and his cronies are these utterly useless and completely ridiculous identification cards being sold by the Save America PAC.

Well, “sold” is not entirely accurate. Right now The Former Guy (TFG) wants us, the American People, to vote on the design for these magical cards that get you nothing and nowhere. But, and here’s the grift, in order to vote on your favorite design, you have to make a donation. Don’t worry, that’s not a link to the PAC. Would I do that to you? No. I went so you don’t have to.

The cards aren’t even available on the website. Or in the PAC store, where you can buy a variety of overpriced mugs, bumper stickers, and tee-shirts emblazoned with identical “Don’t Blame Me I Voted for Trump” messages. PAC supporters received emails on Wednesday morning asking for their help in making this very not at all important choice. The Venn diagram of idiots who object to vaccine passports and idiots who are forking over their cash to vote on these ridiculous “Trump Cards” is a complete circle.

List of things this card gets you:
— Disinvited from family gatherings
— Scornful looks from cashiers
— Red stains in your wallet when the color runs after it gets wet (‘cause you know these are going to end up being cardboard)
— Lower back pain from an overstuffed wallet (not to imply Costanza is a Trump supporter but…people are saying.)

via GIPHY

— Line cuts at the buffet in any Trump-owned casino (Oh. Nevermind.)
— Discounts on Trump Steaks (Whoops.)
— A year’s supply of Trump wine (They sound delicious)
— Spit in your drinks at the bar
— Ignored by hot chicks in da club
— Easily identified as a complete dumbass

I’m sure someone, somewhere, thought these look “patriotic.” All I see is the Parteiadler of the Nazi party. For a guy with such a bad track record with actual, living eagles, I’m surprised TFG approved these designs.

I look forward to the inevitable news story about the MAGA-ites who flash this card in response to requests for proof of vaccination. Spit dribbling down their chins as they scream “Do you know who I am? I support Donald Trump and we won’t stand for this persecution!” at hapless waitstaff and movie theater attendants.
Have fun out there, everybody!