As you know, Jimmy Kimmel and Roy Moore engaged in a Twitter fight yesterday that ended with Roy Moore challenging Kimmel to come down to Alabama and face him man to man. Last night on his show, Kimmel accepted that challenge on two fronts: He agreed either to a sit down at a Panda Express in a mall where Kimmel would put his Christian credentials up against Roy Moore’s, or alternatively, he agreed to a fight.
So if you are challenging me to a fight, here’s what we’ll do. Let’s find a place to do it. I’ll wear a Girl Scout uniform so you can have something to get excited about. And the winner, whoever wins the fight, will give all the money we charge for the tickets to charity. My charity will be the women who came forward to say you molested them, okay? Alright, tough guy, with your little pistol?
I don’t know if being humiliated by a late-night host will hurt or help Roy Moore. I don’t begin to understand how Alabama works. There’s a child molester running for Senate, and he’s winning in the polls and he seems to be winning not because Alabama voters like child molesters, but because they hate “coastal elitism” more than they hate sexual predators. And it’s times like these where I just don’t see how the country can survive — people from Alabama are too different from people in New York or Massachusetts or Washington or Minnesota. We belong in different countries, and rather than go through this ridiculous back and forth where people who hold completely different ideas of what kind of country this should be take turns controlling it, maybe we should just break up. I genuinely think we would all be happier for it.