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Oh, Good, Inciting Armed Revolts to 'Liberate America' Is Exactly What We Need Right Now. Great Job, Clowny

By Mike Redmond | Politics | April 17, 2020 |

By Mike Redmond | Politics | April 17, 2020 |


Because our current predicament isn’t a big enough hellhole of death, earlier today, the President of the United States hopped on Twitter and used his Quarter Pounder grippers to unabashedly support armed revolt against state governments. Which is ironic, given his base’s usual love affair for states’ rights while routinely thumbing their impotent nubbin dicks at the federal government. But who has time for history lessons or knowing f*ck-all about how anything works when there’s gun violence to be incited, amirite?

(NOTE: Gun sales have never been higher than in the past four weeks.)

In Lord FungusDong’s defense, it’s not like we’re in the middle of a nationwide effort to prevent a strain on hospitals, so he definitely picked the perfect time to encourage unstable asslords to waltz around brandishing assault rifles. Way to use that very big brain full of your uncle’s MIT genes.

Anyway, to the surprise of no one, Matt Gertz over at Media Matters quickly matched Trump’s tweets to Fox News coverage, and what do you know, they matched almost perfectly. One day, Fox & Friends is going to quip about nuking a blue state, and I hope everyone is ready for the inevitable mushroom cloud. (Not another joke about the president’s dick. — Or is it?)

What makes these protests as brain-f*ckinly stupid as they are dangerous is that both Wall Street and Trump’s horsesh*t coalition of CEOs have warned against reopening America too soon. You can’t fleece consumers when they’re too afraid to leave the house, or you know, dying. If the president isn’t going to listen to ethics or morality, you’d think he’d at least listen to the money. Then again, we are dealing with an egomaniacal rape potato who somehow managed to lose money running a casino because he has the business acumen of a toddler on coke.

As for where these protests are coming from, that’s even more of a terrifying shit show. As The Guardian reports, they’re mainly being spurred by far-right militia groups who have nothing better to do than look for a situation to wave their metal dick compensators around and act like they’re soldiers of freedom who won’t be out of breath after the first light jog to a foxhole.

While protesters in Michigan, Ohio, Kentucky and other states claim to speak for ordinary citizens, many are also supported by street-fighting rightwing groups like the Proud Boys, conservative armed militia groups, religious fundamentalists, anti-vaccination groups and other elements of the radical right.

On Wednesday in Lansing, Michigan, a protest put together by two Republican-connected not-for-profits was explicitly devised to cause gridlock in the city, and for a time blocked the entrance to a local hospital.

It was organized by the Michigan Conservative Coalition, which Michigan state corporate filings show has also operated under the name of Michigan Trump Republicans. It was also heavily promoted by the Michigan Freedom Fund, a group linked to the Trump cabinet member Betsy DeVos.

But the protest also attracted far-right protest groups who have been present at pro-Trump and gun rights rallies in Michigan throughout the Trump presidency.

Of course, I don’t want to completely discount the impetus behind these protests because, as most of us who have conservative friends and/or relatives on Facebook can attest to, a lot of Trumpers are very on board with reopening America right goddamn now because they fully believe social-distancing is an “over-reaction.” And as the curve flattens and rural areas, like where I live, see low numbers because social-distancing is working, that just makes them even more antsy to stick it to egghead liberals and their “pussy” medical science. It’s a real F*ck-22.

Christ, I just wrote an entire Twitter thread last night after my own idiot brother said there won’t be a first amendment when this is all over. And that line of thinking astounds the hell out of me because these people believe every word that comes out of Trump’s mouth. They truly believe he is handling this situation perfectly and destroying all of his enemies. So if that’s the case, how exactly is the Constitution being shredded on President Awesome’s watch? He controls the White House. The Republicans control the Senate and have already shown they’ll let him commit crimes right out in the open. So how the f*ck do you lose all of your rights when your boy and your party is running the whole show? Explain that logic to me even though I know there isn’t any and you just repeat what the Facebook memes tell you to repeat.

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Mike is a Staff Contributor living in Pennsyltucky. You can follow him on Twitter.

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