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How's that Image Rehab Tour Going Now, Sean Spicer, You 'Giant Festering Abscess'

By Dustin Rowles | Politics | September 21, 2017 |

By Dustin Rowles | Politics | September 21, 2017 |

How’s that image rehab going, Sean Spicer? I think maybe the Teflon White People PR Agency may have let you down in the last couple of days, because that interview you gave this morning is not going over well. It’s one thing to brazenly lie as the White House Press Secretary, but you’re not on the clock anymore, bro. Why continue to lie about not lying?

You want to fully rehab that image, start by coming clean. You’re not going to get a new gig outside of a shitty celebreality series unless you start being honest.

“A number of network insiders who spoke on the condition of anonymity to protect their business relationships said none of the networks were interested in hiring Spicer because of a ‘lack of credibility,’” NBC reports.

The collective pass represents a public rebuke for Spicer, who hired an agent and met with ABC, CBS, NBC, CNN, and Fox News representatives soon after leaving the White House.

And the thing is, Sean, you’re going to need a new gig, and a high-paying one, as well, because you’re going to need a really good lawyer soon. Why? Because of the copious notes you took as RNC Chairman and as White House Press Secretary. Those are going to come in handy in the Mueller investigation.

Former colleagues of Sean Spicer tell Axios that he filled “notebook after notebook” during meetings at the Republican National Committee, later at the Trump campaign, and then at the White House.

When Spicer worked at the RNC, he was said to have filled black books emblazoned with the party’s seal. Spicer was so well-known for his copious notes that underlings joked about him writing a tell-all.

“Sean documented everything,” the source said.

That surprised some officials of previous White Houses, who said that because of past investigations, they intentionally took as few notes as possible when they worked in the West Wing.


Now that you’re on your image rehab tour, however, I’m sure that you’d be willing to answers questions about those notebooks, right? At least from friendly reporters, i.e., reporters that are your friends.

Dude! What’s with the bug up your ass?

I’m sure that was an isolated incident, though, right?

What? There were no bushes to hide behind? At least you’ve got the respect of Lucius Malfoy …oh wait.


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Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.