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Great! Now We Know Where Everyone Stands on DACA and The Wall

By Dustin Rowles | Politics | September 14, 2017 |

By Dustin Rowles | Politics | September 14, 2017 |

There was a deal, and then there wasn’t a deal, and now there may be a deal. Here’s Trump this morning, per the press pool:

“We’re not looking at citizenship. We’re not looking at amnesty. We’re looking at allowing people to stay here… I just spoke with Paul Ryan, everybody’s on board.”

Uh, so he’s not going to let the DREAMer slide, but he is going is going to let them stay? Huh?

“Very important is the wall. We have to be sure the wall isn’t obstructed because without the wall I wouldn’t do anything… It doesn’t have to be here but they can’t obstruct the wall if its in a budget or anything else.”

So, for Trump, The Wall is crucial, but not necessarily as a part of this agreement, but he wants the Democrats to agree to not fight funding of the wall in any future budgets?

I’m sure that will go over well …

Chuck Schumer:

“The president made clear he intends to pursue [The Wall] at a later time. And we made clear we’d continue to oppose it… [the wall is] a medieval solution for a modern problem. A Game of Thrones idea for a world that is a lot closer to Star Wars.”

Well, that puts Trump in a bind.

Nancy Pelosi:

Trump says no citizenship; Pelosi says citizenship. Did these people actually talk to each other?

Mitch McConnell:

Paul Ryan:


So, to sum up: Trump wants to give amnesty to the DREAMers, but he doesn’t want to call it Amnesty. He doesn’t want to provide a path to citizenship, but Pelosi said he agreed to citizenship. Trump insists that funding on the wall be approved by the Democrats, and Paul Ryan is pushing a bill to fund the wall, but Chuck Schumer says the Democrats will not agree to funding for the Wall. Meanwhile, McConnell is like:


And former Speaker of the House John Boehner is like:


Got it? Cool, glad we’re all on the same page now.

p.s. How do you enforce this, Paul? Do they have, like, membership cards that you can check? Is this the honor system? Or will enforcement agents just decide whether they belong to MS13 based on what they look like?

Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.

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