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I'm Not a Smart Man, Jennay, But I Know What Launching Skynet Is

By Mike Redmond | Politics | February 12, 2019 |

By Mike Redmond | Politics | February 12, 2019 |


Let me tell you what I love most about Donald Trump’s presidency.

Just when you think that it can’t get any worse than genocide jokes, Jeff Bezos dick pics, and a second Cold War where Republicans don’t give a shit if Russia nukes half the planet as long as they keep sending over cash and red-headed honeypots, this administration still finds new and exciting ways to remind us that we’re all fantastically f*cked.

Case in point, how is this not Skynet? CNN reports:

President Donald Trump is expected to sign an executive order on Monday launching the American Artificial Intelligence (AI) initiative, a senior administration official told reporters in a background call over the weekend.

The initiative outlines “bold, decisive actions to ensure that AI continues to be fueled by American ingenuity, reflects American values and is applied for the benefit of the American people,” the official said.

Considering our president is the exact kind of moron who sees snow on the ground and says, “Global warming, huh?” like it’s the cleverest shit in the world, does he even know what artificial intelligence is? Because I’m pretty sure we’re talking about a spray-tanned dipshit who calls using the internet “the cyber.”

Is there some other context? Like a pissing contest perhaps?

When asked about China’s advancements in AI and any concerns that the US may have about China stealing US innovations, the official said: “The US is the world leader in artificial intelligence. It is not surprising to us that the Chinese are interested in this particular domain and are spending and investing heavily.”

There it is.

Just so we’re clear, people whose level of intelligence doesn’t stall out at shoving a Filet-O-Fish in their gullet while watching Fox & Friends have made it abundantly clear that artificial intelligence is one of humanity’s gravest threats. On the opposite end of that spectrum, Donald Trump makes his son fast forward Bloodsport to get to the good parts, so maybe we shouldn’t be letting him press the gas on AI.

I mean, sure, creating Ultron to own the libs sounds fun in theory, but it’s hard to drink soyboy tears after an extinction-level event. Just keep that in mind… idiots who coal roll electric cars. Yup, we’re all getting terminated. Sonofabatich.

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Mike is a Staff Contributor living in Pennsyltucky. You can follow him on Twitter.

Header Image Source: Getty