Following Brett Kavanaugh’s contentious Supreme Court nomination process, you’d just assume the Republican Party would take five on berating women who dare challenge the manly men of the Party of Jesus. Except that would require them to have souls and not have been richly rewarded for mocking a rape survivor, so here’s Donald Trump calling his alleged mistress “Horseface” on Twitter to further fan the flames of this ass-fire timeline that will destroy us all.
“Federal Judge throws out Stormy Danials lawsuit versus Trump. Trump is entitled to full legal fees.” @FoxNews Great, now I can go after Horseface and her 3rd rate lawyer in the Great State of Texas. She will confirm the letter she signed! She knows nothing about me, a total con!— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) October 16, 2018
Once again, that is the President of the United States publicly using the word “Horseface” to describe Stormy Daniels, the adult film star he allegedly cheated on his wife with. That is supremely fucked up, and yet somehow just another Tuesday. Imagine if JFK sent millions of people a telegram that read, “Hey, BTW, Marilyn Monroe is a goat-faced floozy who definitely can’t describe my penis in horrifying detail,” and nobody batted an eye. That’s basically what just happened here.
Naturally, Stormy Daniels didn’t take this — No. No, don’t do it. Sonofabitch. — LYING DOWN, and she fired back on Twitter with an adorable nickname for her one-time, orange bullfrog lover.
Ladies and Gentlemen, may I present your president. In addition to his…umm…shortcomings, he has demonstrated his incompetence, hatred of women and lack of self control on Twitter AGAIN! And perhaps a penchant for bestiality. Game on, Tiny. https://t.co/6DpDD5ELtj— Stormy Daniels (@StormyDaniels) October 16, 2018
If “Game on, Tiny” doesn’t become a Democratic rallying cry between now and 2020, then we might as well fold the country up and give it to Russia. Just get it over with.
“Grandpa, what happened to America?”
“GODDAMN CHUCK SCHUMER WOULDN’T MAKE A DICK JOKE!”
“Wow, Jesus, okay…”
Anyway, it should come as no surprise that Trump also mischaracterized his legal victory, which merely involved Stormy Daniels’ defamation lawsuit getting tossed out. That decision does not affect the far more serious allegations regarding Trump and Michael Cohen allegedly paying Daniels $130,000 for her silence, which her attorney Michael Avenatti made clear in a statement on Twitter
Below please find a statement just issued regarding Donald Trump's tweet of this morning. pic.twitter.com/lQM6TCN9fR— Michael Avenatti (@MichaelAvenatti) October 16, 2018
Normally, this is the part where I’d crack a joke. But in case I haven’t mentioned this 100 times already, an American president felt entirely comfortable calling a woman “Horseface” on social media, and before the takes are even done being hot, that event will become as ordinary as seeing a fucking squirrel. If you can come up with a punchline that’s darker than that, go ahead and sit on it because it won’t hold a candle to whatever reality farts out next. Trust me.
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