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Coronation Getty 1.jpg

Coronation Week Is Dominating Britain and It’s Awful

By Kayleigh Donaldson | Politics | May 4, 2023 |

By Kayleigh Donaldson | Politics | May 4, 2023 |

Coronation Getty 1.jpg

This Saturday, the coronation of King Charles III will take place in London. It’s the first coronation the UK has seen since 1953, when Elizabeth II began her reign that lasted over seven decades. Charles is a septuagenarian, so nobody expects his turn on the throne to last that long. Still, it’s a big occasion for the country and celebrations are already kicking off. Guys, it’s awful.

Look, I have made no secret of the fact that I am utterly opposed to the monarchy in all of its forms. I think it’s ridiculous that, in 2023, we still have this anti-democratic rule in place, and that its endless corruption and white supremacy is treated as a cutesy quirk of the nation. My view is hardly an isolated one, especially in parts of the world still bound to Britain by the concept of the commonwealth, whether they like it or not. There have been multiple pro-republic protests across the country, and it’s evident that Charles cannot replicate the popularity of his mother. But by gum, the media are going to do everything in their power to bolster his image and pretend the entire country is behind his back in time for Saturday.

The propaganda wagon is running at full speed. It’s almost impressive. The Telegraph sent out Charles Moore, Baron Moore of Etchingham and the authorised biographer of Margaret Thatcher, to sneer that now was not the time for anti-monarchy protests. Apparently ‘it taints the public realm when people who wish to destroy good things are indulged by those in authority.’ Doesn’t sound fashy at all, right? And yes, in case you were wondering, Moore did previously refer to Black Lives Matter as a ‘Marxist movement whose doctrines about white people are explicitly racist.’ And he opposes banning conversion therapy. And he defended Donald Trump’s Muslim ban. And he’s a climate change denialist. The monarchists have their top guys out here trying to put us in our places.

There have also been attempts to assert Charles and the future Queen Camilla’s adulterous relationship as the ultimate example of true love. Again, the Telegraph wrote a fawning profile on how ‘Charles and Camilla’s is the greatest love story of all-time.’ Take that, every couple who didn’t manipulate a 19-year-old and publicly humiliate her for personal protection.

And, of course, the anti-Meghan hate is ongoing. The Australian press are dragging out her awful half-brother to issue vaguely threatening comments for no other reason than it never stopped being open season on abusing this woman. I’m not linking to that crap, but I do find it revealing how much the press is complaining about Meghan ‘overshadowing’ an event she’s not even attending. If she’s that much of a distraction, maybe the main event isn’t that exciting…

Never fear, though, because coronation lunacy is everywhere! Just this morning, I turned on the TV to see one of the tatty morning programmes announce their next guest was an astrologer who was going to see what was in the future for King Charlie. I immediately changed the channel.

And yes, they want us to make a pledge to the King. The public will be ‘invited’ to swear allegiance to Tampon Chuck when he is crowned, saying, ‘I swear that I will pay true allegiance to Your Majesty, and to your heirs and successors according to law - so help me God.’ Loser behaviour, right? Can you imagine being on a date with someone, thinking it’s going well, then they suddenly stop eating to do this pledge? You’d rethink your entire life up to that point.

There is something about this period of frenzied monarchism that has proven to be unexpectedly revealing. Even at its most slavish, its most toadying and bootlicking grotesqueness, the arguments in favour of the royal family cannot help but be our best arguments against it. Pleas for tradition and the supposed comfort of the status quo have only ever benefitted those with the generational wealth and fetish of the class system in their corner. That’s never been less popular than it is in a post-Boris Tory rule era where we’re all struggling with an intense cost-of-living crisis. The idea of monarchy as a stabilising force doesn’t ring true with Charles’ decades of political meddling to his name, not to forget that of his suspected sex criminal brother Andrew, who the family continues to protect. Every attempt to spin Charles, Camilla, Andrew, William, and the Windsor clan’s perils as excusable or even aspirational inspires active derision from the public.

The deeper monarchists try to dig that hole, the more we descend into oblivion. It was always meant to happen like this. There’s no way to sustain a colonialist power structure based on hereditary rule while simultaneously claiming it’s the peak of British modernity. Check out this framing from Sky News on the issue of the elderly no longer being able to retire because of rising costs and falling pension rates.

How do you even type that out without descending into shame? We’re told this isn’t the time to talk about forming a republic but there’s no better time to do so. The obscene pomp and circumstance of gold and diamonds atop a king’s head as his ‘subjects’ struggle to pay the bills was always going to be a tough sell, and the more it’s shoved in our faces, the more the prospect sours. It increasingly feels like opposition to this cruel system is to be admonished, whether it’s via the barrage of blindly adoring media coverage or the conservative government’s fast-tracking of an anti-protest bill leading to anti-monarchists receiving letters of warning from the Home Office before they’ve even picked up a placard. When people speak of ‘tradition’, they mean a distinct lack of liberty for most people.

I’m one of many people on this island who will be doing literally anything other than watching the coronation this Saturday (I’m spending the day with my sister.) It will attract millions, I’m sure, but it won’t do anything to stave off the growing sentiment among Brits and the rest of the world that the time for a monarchy has come and gone. Perhaps if we fight hard enough, we won’t have to pledge allegiance to King William in the near-future.

Abolish the monarchy.