Always* Trust the Dog

By Nate Parker | Politics | September 28, 2023 |

By Nate Parker | Politics | September 28, 2023 |

My father had a Doberman who hated the police. A sweet girl who loved everyone else indiscriminately, she was on full alert and growling the few times a cop came to the door. I have one of the sweetest dogs on the planet. A hound-pibble mix rescued from Alabama, she adores people, other dogs, and even cats, regardless of their age or gender. When she chases something small and fluffy, she always gives it time to get away. She is a Very Good Girl, who says hello and otherwise leaves people alone. So, on the rare occasions she growls or barks at someone on a hiking trail, I pay attention.

That’s all to say that I get where Commander Biden is coming from. The Biden family’s youngest pupper made headlines for biting another Secret Service agent, at least the 11th such incident. Their older dog, Major, also had several biting incidents on his record before the Bidens moved him to another location that hopefully wasn’t “a farm upstate.” The agent is fine, though in 2022 Commander bit one of them so badly they ended up briefly hospitalized with bites to their thighs and arms.

It should go without saying that a family dog biting people without cause isn’t good. If Commander’s bitten this many agents, he needs time, patience, and rigorous training to get past it. If he were anyone else’s pet, he’d have been seized and possibly euthanized by now. Living in the White House, surrounded by hundreds of strangers and constant noise and bustle would be stressful on any dog. We’ve seen how it ages Presidents. And for the dog’s safety, the public’s safety, and political reasons, Commander’s job is to sit there and look distinguished, like most Vice-Presidents.

That said — and this is mostly tongue-in-cheek — I’m curious why Secret Service agents are the only people the Biden dogs bite. If Commander and Major were biting staff or guests, it would be the Fox News hot topic for days. But it seems their aggression is focused on the large, armed people looming over their mom and dad and I can’t help but wonder why. This is the organization that “accidentally” deleted its texts related to the January 6 insurrection, after all. It’s faced other controversies in its recent history as well, with overseas agents behaving with something less than professionalism. Maybe Commander knows something we don’t, and we should trust his animal instincts.

On the other hand, my 2nd rescue is a small lab-terrier-pibble mix obsessed with chasing everything that comes near our property. Baby rabbits, mothers pushing strollers, and black bears all find themselves facing 25lbs of unbridled fury when they approach the Field household unannounced. Only small and squishy creatures are in any real danger, so if you aren’t a bunny or baby, you’re probably fine. But when all three terrier brain cells line up, look out; she’s coming for you faster than Dane Cook after a high school senior. Hence the asterisk in the headline. Maybe Commander is a hyper-alert protector with his family’s best interests at heart. Maybe he’s a big dummy with a taste for tailored suits, over-developed muscles, and the scent of gun oil. It’s tough to say. Either way, Commander needs to go back to school.