By now you know all about the Dylan Mulvaney Bud Light controversy. If you don’t, please do yourself a favor and close this tab, shut off your computer, and go outside. Don’t watch Kid Rock open fire on a bunch of innocent cans like they’re music critics.
Or see Dan “McFury” Crenshaw boycott Bud Light with a fridge full of other beers also produced by Anheuser-Busch.
I’m still not entirely sure who Mulvaney is apart from a trans-TikTok star, and I guess she drinks Bud Light. If there’s more to it, please don’t tell me. I’m too old to keep up with social media. But maybe you are, and you’re the kind of person disgusted to find LGBTQ people enjoy your brand of beer. Maybe you want a new beer. A better beer. A man’s beer. A beer that says “I’m so straight, I can’t help wondering who has a penis.” A beer that doesn’t see color unless it’s red, white, or blue. A beer that tells the world you’re not just right, you’re
Ultra Right is the brainchild of Seth Weathers, who decided against becoming a meteorologist when right-wing shill is so much more lucrative. Seth has a body health website that’s actually his Instagram page and pays for Twitter Blue. He’s got a website where he sells “Patriotic Wall Art” and t-shirts rarely found outside county fairs. According to the Washington Examiner, he made millions selling “Let’s Go Brandon” wrapping paper to the Trump commemorative coin crowd. Weathers is now taking preorders for his new conservative dad beer, which is made of only 4 ingredients; barley, hops, yeast, and water. The can announces it contains nothing but “100% Woke-Free American Beer” but says nothing about its flavor. Weird.
Weathers is selling his
snake oil beer at the low, low price of $19.99 per sixer. Some quick math tells us that at 4% ABV, these 72 ounces of beer contain 2.88 oz. of ethanol, which works out to $6.94 per ounce of liquor. Another way to look at it; the consumer is paying $19.19 for slightly more than a gallon of water. It’s actually cheaper to get drunk on mid- to upper-range Scotch, with none of the pressure on your bladder. That price doesn’t include shipping, which for me adds a minimum of $13 bucks to the bill.
Don’t worry, though. During checkout, Ultra Right sweetens the deal with 15% off on a t-shirt that will not have people asking many questions already answered by your shirt because all those questions were already answered in videos of white guys wearing sunglasses in their pickup trucks. Seth plans to have his weirdly expensive cheap beer available by the middle of May. Cross his heart.
I actually appreciate this effort by Weathers to separate fools from their money. At a certain point the grift becomes so obvious it’s nearly honest. It’s the transactional relationship of OnlyFans but for stupid people. It’s so stupid, Anheuser-Busch was forced to put out the most non-statement statement in the history of public relations.
The last time I saw a political statement that meaningless it was was a Kendal Jenner Pepsi commercial. Anheuser-Busch CEO Brendan Whitworth is clearly trying to please everyone, which is guaranteed to make no one happy. It’s a mealy-mouthed and unnecessary response; while there was a momentary dip in Anheuser-Busch’s stock prices, it never went below its price at this time last year and has already climbed. The only real result of the Right’s Bud Light Boycott was to make Dylan Mulvaney more famous. It’s funny how that works out.