Fear the Walking Dead premieres this weekend, and while I’m looking forward to the show, I’m maybe more looking forward to the seemingly inevitable sibling rivalry/cage match that may arise between it and The Walking Dead. (Uproxx)
Lady Gaga is the most glamorous Dr. Claw (or possibly borderline Furiosa) in these set photos from American Horror Story: Hotel. (Go Fug Yourself)
Okay, I know this almost definitely isn’t true, and that the sources for the story are the National Enquirer and OK! Magazine, but damn it LET ME PRETEND. Rumor is that all of our Alias dreams are coming true and Jennifer Garner is secretly back together with her ex Michael Vartan. LET THIS BE REAL! (Celebitchy)
Other secret celebrity hook-up rumors that definitely aren’t true but too wonderful an idea to dismiss outright: Jake Gyllenhaal and Susan Sarandon are rumored to be doing sexy things at each other. (DListed)
The ongoing, ever-joyous Dubsmash war between the casts of Agent Carter and Agents of SHIELD is going full Death Match… for charity!
Keegan-Michael Key is just as big a Mads Mikkelsen fan as the rest of us. Like, embarrassingly so. (Late Night)
Speaking of Mikks, this trailer for Men & Chicken came out earlier this month, and I never got around to sharing it, but today feels like the day! Get ready for some very un-Hannibal mustachioed Mads.
Another thing I avoided taking about because yes, even though Hailee Steinfeld is 18, “technically legal” doesn’t mean I don’t feel maternally skeeved by her doing sex things. (See: Maisie Williams sex scenes.) Anyway, did you see Steinfeld’s less-than-subtle masturbation anthem she released a couple weeks ago? If I can stop thinking about her as the True Git child for a few seconds at a time, I actually kind of love it. And she’s in good company in terms of actors-turned-musicians. (Film Experience)
Add this to the Pajiba field trip destination list: Banksy’s UK “bemusement park,” Dismaland. (NBC)
This is a fantastic tribute to my own personal favorite item of punctuation: How to use a semicolon as more than half a winky face. (New Yorker)
Have you ever noticed that subjects eating in old paintings seem to have no idea how humans eat human food? My favorite here: “YELLING NEAR BEANS IS WHAT EATING IS.” (The Toast)
"Susan Crandall’s The Flying Circus is an adventure story at heart � in true ‘running away to join the circus’ vein � and with all the added excitement of flying in unreliable jalopies of planes, being on the run from the law, and teaming up with a traumatized World War I vet, possibly the most headstrong girl in existence, and an adorable little pup." If you think you’re the most headstrong girl in existence, check out NTE’s review and see how you stack up. (Cannonball Read 7)
Happy Friday! Remember to keep your weekend plans manageable and realistic.