Okay, kittens, fire up your Righteous Indignation Machines, Grantland has launched a “Best Song Of The Millenium” bracket and you can go cast your vote right now. And then come back here and yell about it. Because art is objective and not at all subjective, right? Me? I’m rooting for “Oxford Comma” because, you know, grammar. You, however, might be more interested in the mighty duel between that catchy date rape anthem “Blurred Lines” and “Get Lucky.” (Grantland)
Speaking of infectious earworms, am I the only one who gets Queen stuck in their head at the mere mention of “Moet & Chandon”? Regardless, as the Fug Girls point out, this champagne event is only important in that it casts more light on the weird and twisted proprietary thing that Anna Wintour and Roger Federer have going on. I choose to believe she makes him sleep in a pretty cabinet at Vogue HQ. (GFY)
And while we’re on the subject of weird and twisted, how gorgeous is this portrait of the Lannister siblings? Check out several other beautifully rendered “Game Of Thrones” portraits from this artist. (Unreality)
In other TV bastard news, would you watch a Pete Campbell “Mad Men” spin-off? That’s what Kevin Rahm (who plays that shawl-collared, aw shucks bastard Ted Chaough) is hoping for. An L.A.-based “Adventures of Pete and Ted.” Oh I’d watch it. I’d watch the sh*t out of it. (Vulture)
Fret not, pets, you won’t have to wait until next year to get your weekly dose of televisual bastards, the “Boardwalk Empire” premiere is right around the corner. In honor of the impending trip back to the Jersey Shore, Dustin has assembled a list of fun and obscure facts about the cast. WHAT DO YOU MEAN KELLY MACDONALD WON’T SHOOT NUDE SCENES ANYMORE?! That fact isn’t fun at all. (Uproxx)
Speaking of nudity, as the “50 Shades” craze continues unabated, we got some interesting casting news today. Yes, yes we did already cover this news on our site. Yes, yes I am just using this as an excuse to post my favorite lurid photo below. (LaineyGossip)
Speaking of possibly vacuous pretty boys and light choking, Robert Pattinson has said he would like to strangle the person who came up with the nickname R-Patz. Was that Dustin? I’m pretty sure it was Dustin. (Celebitchy)
In things that make you go “ugh,” Jason Segel has gone from dating Michelle Williams to dating Cameron Diaz. I know, you guys, I too had drawn “Mrs. Michelle Segel” in hearts on my Trapper Keeper. (DListed)
Cleanse your palate with this amazing long read from the “New York Times” on the history of the “SNL” audition process. Or, if you find long reads too, well, long to read, then check out Josh Kurp’s incredibly handy distillation. (WG)
Speaking of “SNL,” one of our favorite alums, Tina Fey, was burglarized over the weekend and she adorably shared video of the crime with David Letterman. Every surveillance video should have Fey narration. (BI)
Speaking of sharp and funny ladies, it’s Dorothy Parker’s birthday. She’s a hero of mine and I love this piece on her. Especially the poignantly pointed poem at the end. (Hairpin)
Hey kids, get this, four of the fifty biggest box office bombs are in theaters right now. Truly, we are having a golden summer at the cinema. (/Film)
So if you’re longing for something from your youth, then get pumped because all five monster cereals are coming back to stores this Halloween. Yes, in addition to the usual suspects, Frute Brute (discontinued in 1982) and Yummy Mummy (19920 will be back on the shelves in retro boxes. It’s like the Buzzfeed List of breakfast cereal news. (Neatorama)
In other cartoonish nostalgia, watch this video of Mark Hamill doing his famous Joker voice from “Batman The Animated Series.” Apparently the man rarely does this in public, so soak it up! (TMS)
In less pleasant Star Wars news, Simon Pegg and MTV’s Josh Horowitz went head-to-head about The Phantom Menace. This is, of course, not the first time Pegg has had a nerd meltdown on the subject.
But I wouldn’t want to leave you with that vein throbbing in your forehead, so to help mitigate the Midi-chlorians here are Steve Martin and Kermit playing the old dueling banjos. There now, is your heart all warm? I thought so.