Was This The Face That Launched A Thousand Ships? No, But She Did Go Topless In The Towers Of Illium.
Good morning, my misled misquoters. How many of you had the flame of your “America, F*ck Yeah” extinguished yesterday by some snotty facebook friend or Twitter follower quoting MLK at you? Turns out they were misquoting. Ha HA! Well, turns out that pithy Mark Twain quote was false as well. In the words of Michel de Montaigne, “Oops.” (Gizmodo)
And now for something completely inconsequential. The subject of this article has become a thorn in my side but it felt too petty to mention…it’s about Twitter and sitcom spoilers. So I’ll let the author of this article sound petty and I’ll just add the sage words of naturalist John Muir, “Seriously, spoilers are hella rude, some of us live on the SloWest Coast.” (Splitsider)
And now for something VERY important that will erase my pettiness from your mind. A lot has been going on both globally and locally to distract us from a devastating natural disaster in the southern United States. If you have some spare dough, here are some agencies that could use your support. (Time)
Oh, Canada, our Northern friends. This is a bad time for you as well. First you’re losing in the Stanley Cup semi-finals to some team from Nashville. Seriously, they have hockey in Nashville? And then there’s last night’s election where the Conservative Party won (for the first time since 1988?) with only 40% of the vote. I’ll echo the sage advice of filmmaker Robert Altman, “F*ck Nashville, go Canada! Come on, they need this.” (Slate)
You know what I need? More pretty girls in silly frocks. Go Fug Yourself is slowly releasing photos from last night’s Met Gala (a.k.a. The Fug Event Of The Year). So far I’ve seen too much pretty and not enough WTFugly. (Go Fug Yourself)
In terms of WTFugly, however, Maxim has it in spades with this year’s Hot 100 List. Listen, I agree with that famous Stevie Wonder lyric, “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder,” I just don’t agree with most of the beholders over at Maxim. Rosie Whontington-Whoteley is #1? CAMERON DIAZ IS ON THE LIST AT ALL? (Celebitchy)
I know, I know, it’s not all about the face, and all those lovely ladies have what Michelangelo called “a slammin’ bod.” And I know Gertrude Stein once said “A nose is a nose is a nose,” but this Cyrano-looking device for hands-free iPad use? This is preposterous and for some reason tech blogs aren’t mocking it. I beg you, Pajibans, mock it, mock it with all your might. (Variations On Normal)
The author of that website thinks Adamantane will make us think of singer Adam Ant? Um, as Freud said, “Close, Bub, but no cigar.” Here is a lovely infographic about Superhero movies. I feel like this summer may shake things up a bit. Captain America, f*ck yeah! (Bit Rebels)
It was J.M. Smucker, was it not, who said, “I don’t think you’re ready for this jelly.” Here is a fantastic video of jello hitting a flat surface slowed waaaaaaaay down.
Finally, my dears, I forgot to rage earlier at the inclusion of my mortal enemy, Olivia Munn, at the top of the Maxim Hot 100 list. Well here she and several other comely young ladies profess to be “total dorks” courtesy of a Film Drunk super cut. The article accompanying the super cut is worth a read as they bring up the excellent point of, “Who doesn’t like Star Wars???”
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