Morning my charming Chippendales, we had all decided Steven Soderbergh’s male stripper movie Magic Mike was going to be good old fashioned, “let’s get drunk beforehand” fun, yes? Well Soderbergh had to harsh my mellow by casting Miss Olivia Munn as Charming Potato’s love interest. Munn, who never met a joke she couldn’t kill, a line she couldn’t fumble, will, presumably, not be joining the boys on the pole. I don’t get it, Soderbergh, I thought I knew you. (Coming Soon)
Don’t mind me, I’ll just be over here distracting myself with these gorgeous, hand drawn Jurassic Park posters. Life, and my easily distracted brain, finds a way. (/Film)
Okay, darjeelings, we’re going to go melancholy for a second and then return to the infinite madness of Pajiba Love. I found this piece on the hows and whens of learning when a loved one has died very touching. The writer explores the weird information-sharing role social media plays in the process. It’s worth your time. (The Hairpin)
And while we’re on the subject of death, apparently that idiotic police raid Steven Seagal participated in a few months ago ended with a suspect’s dog being shot and killed. While Seagal was not directly responsible, folks are, as you can imagine, having a field day with the headlines. (Evil Beet)
Which brings me to this story of an Alaskan woman who punched a bear in order to save her tiny dog. This story would have been better if she had punches Steven Seagal, yes?(Today)
See, woman can be cool and kickass. YOU HEAR THAT JC PENNY’S? Please, if you would, check out these ghastly shirts the department store iss selling for back-to-school. “I’m too pretty to do homework” makes me want to punch ALL the things. Yes, yes, including bears and Seagals. (Feministing)
That last link was sent to me on Twitter by a Pajiba reader/dad and was accompanied by this awesome hash tag: “#mygirlsjustwearstarwarstshirts.” Me? I’m going to dress my fictional, not even a twinkle in my eye, daughters in these Famous Thinkers As Metal Band Logos shirts. They’ll have a choice. “Machievelli or Feynman?” (Monsters of Grok)
While we’re on the subject of band names, did you know there’s a school in Arkansas whose team is called “The Deaf Leopards”? Amazing. Here’s a list of other nota-wtf*ckable team/mascot names. (Mental Floss)
And whilst we’re listing and naming, here’s a rather limited list of Movie Titles That Make “Awesome” Nicknames For Your Lady Area. Hmmm, I rather think my Pajibans could do better. (Buzzfeed)
Finally, oh how I wish I could participate in the glorious Tomatina Festival just once in my life. It’s on the Bucket List right below this now defunct entry: “
See Magic Mike While Trashed.” (The Big Picture)
To be honest with you, I don’t really understand what’s going on in this video. All I know is that Martin Starr is in it and there’s some fantastic dancing. Honestly? That’s good enough for me.
But Don Cheadle as Captain Planet going berserk and detroying humans with beams of light from his groinal region? That should be good enough for all of you. Check out Cheadle, Brenda Song (the real one), Gillian Jacobs and, best of all, Pedro from Napoleon Dynamite.
Joanna Robinson didn’t even recognize Gillian Jacobs in that video on the first watch. If she had, she would have undoubtedly used a photo of Jacobs paddling Alison Brie as a header for today’s Love. Have you guys seen that photo? It’s pretty cute.