And while we’re on the subject of bags of rancid mayo, you have two choices here. You could read these vile and racist reactions to this year’s Miss America winner not being lily white or (and this would be my preference) revel in the gloriously weird fashion choices of the pageant contestants. Racism or bedazzled leg braces, you decide. (GFY)
Speaking of spectacles, I don’t watch Dancing With The Stars but after the following description of Bill Nye’s performance, I may have to: “He looked like a half-paralyzed grandpa turtle on extra-strength ludes trying to crawl to a piece of wet lettuce.” Poetry. (Dlisted)
I hath but one thing to say about this Patrick Stewart wedding photo: It’s not fair to outshine the bride. Gandalf, you dapper bastard. Not fair. (US Mag)
One of my favorite new shows from last year, The Mindy Project, returns tonight. The lovely Price Peterson makes a compelling argument as to why it’s sneakily one of the more progressive shows on air. (Jezebel)
Are there any actual concrete sources cited in this article about Tom Hardy being at the top of the James Bond wish list? No there are not. Was this an excuse to post a photo of Tom Hardy’s epic hobo beard? Yes it was. (Celebitchy)
Also shady, my little gunslingers, is this update from Ron Howard on his adaptation of The Dark Tower series. I say shady because, well, there’s not much info. But they ARE still working on it. So that’s nice. (Empire)
Some concrete info I can share is that Bill Lawrence (Scrubs, Cougar Town) has a new show premiering November 14th. Yay! John C. McGinley! Boooooo something that looks like the sitcom version of Suits. I think we can all agree that this promo would have been a lot more compelling if star Skyler Astin and The Treblemakers had been the ones to sing “Love In An Elevator.”
Speaking of the comely a cappella cuties, Anna Kendrick is on the official cast list for Into The Woods. That’s not new news, but the rest of the cast is confirmed and shooting has begun. Sorry, musical sticklers, this cast is fantastic. There’s a nice blend of film and theater talent. (TMS)
I love these “putting time in perspective” charts. They really help you worry less about Hobo Beards and Rancid Bags Of Racist Mayo. (Wait But Why)
Let’s close out the links on a seasonal note today. This first one, reminiscent of the amazing Thug Kitchen blog, puts Martha Stewart to shame. And that’s a good thing: “I may even throw some multi-colored leaves into the mix, all haphazard like a crisp October breeze just blew through and fucked that shit up.” (McSweeneys)
And the lovely folks at Black Alchemy Lab have announced their new Halloween scents. They had me at the Anne Of Green Gables reference and I fully lost my sh*t over Dark Pumpkin Mead. DARK PUMPKIN MEAD? I want to bathe in it. (BPAL)
For your visual pleasure, this mesmerizing video is a combination of dance and visual affects. It’s no David Bowie juggling spinning glass balls, but nothing is, really.
And, finally, this spinning ball. The most mesmerizing one of all.