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Tom Cruise, President? Plus a Henry Cavill/Gina Carano Mating & Everything You Already Knew About Lindsay Lohan

By Agent Bedhead | Pajiba Love | January 11, 2013 |

By Agent Bedhead | Pajiba Love | January 11, 2013 |

It’s been a few years since I’ve stepped into the deliciously oozing pool that is Pajiba Love. Since I’m generally a vacuous gossip writer, that’s the variety of this particular column. Enjoy, or don’t.

Man of Steel wonderboy Henry Cavill is dating MMA fighter (and Haywire star) Gina Carano! They both have earned their abs of steel, but I just have to wonder who applies the most blunt force while their genitals clatter together. Hot coupling. (Us Weekly)

I don’t know exactly why this article about Lindsay Lohan’s bullsh-t behavior on the set of The Canyons comes as a shock to anyone, but it’s still a shamefully engrossing read. Also, I don’t know who is the bigger mess — Lohan or Paul Schrader. As for Bret Easton Ellis’ involvement in the project, he really should have known better. (New York Times)


For what it’s worth, Lindsay herself has read the NYT article (or she had one of her assistants pantomime it to her while she freebased an unidentified substance that is totally not cocaine) and concedes that it is a fairly accurate portrayal of events. She also states, “[I]t’s no big deal” that she essentially got her ass fired from a microbudget film. (TMZ)

Gwyneth Paltrow, in all her illustrious wisdom, has announced that she’s not performing her annual “cleansing” in celebration of the New Year. What’s stranger: The fact that Gwyneth felt the need to announce this fact or that I’m actually disappointed she won’t be lecturing us all to buy her Goop-branded colon cleanse? Perhaps it will be a spring cleaning this year. (Lainey Gossip)

Say what you want about celebrity spawn being spoiled and never learning the meaning of finding one’s own way, earning one’s keep, or wiping one’s own booty. However, I can truly say that I feel sorry for Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon’s son, Roc, who has had his potty-training photos splattered all over the internet by his fawning, overzealous parents. (Seriously? OMG! WTF?)

Tom Cruise and David Miscavige apparently plotted for Tom to run for political office at some point and to eventually gain entrance to the U.S. Presidency. Then they grew tired of the subject after arguing over who got to be First Lady and thought better of the pay cut. Those fields full of CO$ slaves don’t pay for themselves, you know. (Celebitchy)


Justin Timberlake is a perfectionist, yo. That’s why he hasn’t been putting out music lately. Because it’s so painful to realize that he might not make the ultimate record album ever again (as if he has ever done so to begin with) and not because he was chasing movie infamy for the past several years. (Pop on the Pop)

Ryan Gosling made some Hey Girl’s dream come true by pulling her out of the “Conan” audience and whispering his ATM pin number into her ear. I don’t know why, but Gosling just doesn’t do it for me, and I don’t want his spittle to tickle my ear canal. (Vulture)

A new reality show promises to reveal the secret world of ladies who work in bra-fitting shops. Don’t even get me started on the awful premise because I’ve never actually been fitted for a bra. Trial and error, baby. I don’t need some creepy lady’s hands all over my boobs. (Jezebel)

If you’ve ever wanted to see George Clooney and Cindy Crawford in bed together and partner swapping with Randy Gerber and Stacy Keibler, you’re in luck. If you’ve never wanted to witness such atrocities, well, these are actually kind of cute commercials. (Popwatch)

I’m currently working my way through the 5th season of “Californication” on DVD and trying to ration the goods without blowing the wad all at once. Speaking of (presumably) blown wads, here’s a nice, meandering trip down memory lane to watch every sexual encounter of Hank Moody thus far. My favorite was the kinky thetan. (Warming Glow)


Spring Breakers truly is an abomination of the immediate future, but it’s not nearly as much of a symbol of the patriarchy as airbrushing. The sad part is that Harmony Korine will actually make some money on this even if it’s from pay-per-view creeps looking for some yank material. (Film Drunk)

Lena Dunham’s Hannah Horvath might be on par with Claire Dane’s Angela Chase, Cynthia Nixon’s Miranda Hobbes, and Ramona Quimby in terms of being a relatable protagonist searching her way through life. Or this writer might just be taking the piss. (Unreality)

Since I’m feeling slightly inflammatory today, here’s a video clip mashup containing (nearly?) all of the N-words ever uttered in Quentin Tarantino movies. This video, of course, does not account for the multitude of N-words that spring forth from Django Unchained. (High Definite)

Finally, this last video has nothing to do with movies (and very little to do with television, other than being shot by the Discovery Channel). It’s a giraffe fight! But it looks almost like a very intricate and graceful dance. (Discovery)

Agent Bedhead lives in Tulsa, Oklahoma. She and her little black heart can be found at

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