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Today I Learned that Unmarried Poor Women Should Stop Having Sex, and That HBO Needs More Erect Penises

By Dustin Rowles | Pajiba Love | January 30, 2014 |

By Dustin Rowles | Pajiba Love | January 30, 2014 |

“ScarJo looked at the check she gets from OxFam and it took her a minute to realize there was no check from Oxfam since they’re not paying her. Then she looked at the check she gets from SodaStream [for her Super Bowl commercial] and on it was a number larger than zero followed by a bunch of zeroes. Decision made!” (Dlisted)

While Miley Cyrus managed to keep much of her clothing on during her MTV Unplugged performance, it didn’t stop her from twerking with a stuffed horse, which she allowed to nuzzle her butt. (GFY)

How do we know that Seth Meyers is going to rock Late Night? Because this Weekend Update blooper reel proves the man knows how to save a bad joke. (WG)

No, no. That’s not an abandoned baby near the dumpster. THAT’S A BAG OF SNAKES. (Videogum)

Working with Edgar Wright (Shawn of the Dead) our friend David Chen over at Slashfilm put together this brilliant video on the Art of the Close-Up. (Slashfilm)

An actual statement said by an actual person tired of seeing a couple posting their vacation photos on Facebook: “Go have some kids and don’t be so selfish as to only think of yourselves all the time.” Whut? (via STFU Parents) (Milwaukee Journal Sentinel)

It’s not that I don’t agree with this piece asserting that HBO’s Looking needs more erections, I think I just find this particular statement off-putting: “The essence of (gay) male sexuality [is] the erect penis.” Is it? (Slate)

The problem with the Captain America character posters is that Captain America doesn’t get to have any fun at all in them. Poor guy, trapped in the corner, with nothing to do but brood. (The Mary Sue)

“Netflix will be toppled by the growth of TV Everywhere within two years.” — TBS President. Huh? (TV Week)

Unmarried poor women should just stop having sex. — Rand Paul, on the solution to our nation’s problem. Huh? (Jezebel)

Oh, no: Morpheus from The Matrix is back. To sell cheap cars. Sh*t. (Unreality)

What does it take to get an Oscar nomination disqualified? We found out today, now didn’t we, song no one has ever heard of? (FSR)

Did you know that Christian Bale and Phil Collins share a birthday today? American Psycho fans should appreciate the irony. Unrelated: Taylor Swift may be angry with the way folks reacted to her reaction to losing the Grammy. Related: If there’s an American Psycho remake, wouldn’t Taylor Swift songs be the perfect ditties with which to murder? (Celebitchy)

Damnit, the pilot order for Selfie was announced too late to fit into this week’s 9 Truths and a Lie. (Trick, by the way, was the lie). (EW)

Louis C.K.’s first film, Tomorrow, was released on the Internet today, and we’ve already got our first review. (Flavorwire)

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Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.