Good morning, my scintillating scinners. I’m glad to see you’re all still here. Unless, are you internetting from Heaven? Shouldn’t you be strumming harps and lolling on a cloud or something? Nope, we’re all still here. If you’re playing Rapture Excuse Bingo at home, here are Harold “I Made Up A Rapture To Bilk People Out Of Their Money” Camping’s initial reactions to the nothing (not to be confused with The Nothing) that happened on Saturday. (SF Gate)
I’m not really a huge fan of the non-wack-a-doodle Christian sects who “reached out” to Camping’s followers post-non-Rapture. It felt a little vulture-ish and opportunistic to me. We atheists would NEVER do that. Mostly because we’re too busy having better sex than you are. (Awl)
And, finally, you survived the non-Rapture, so Imma reward you with a whole SLEW of cute animal photos. Enough to last you until the end of times…whenever that is. Next Tuesday? (Buzzfeed)
Lady Gaga was pretty cute on “SNL” this weekend, right? Well if you’re all-aboard the Gaga-train, you can get her latest album for 99 cents. THAT’S LESS THAN A CAPPUCCINO, FOLKS. (Amazon) And if you’re not into Gaga, you can preview Death Cab For Cutie’s latest on NPR. And if you don’t like either Death Cab or Gaga, um, well, enjoy your Lawrence Welk on vinyl? (NPR)
Here’s something to make the Russell Brand haters smile. That’s a lot of you isn’t it? You’re all smiling now, aren’t you? Damnit, Russell, you make it hard to defend you. He’s been kicked out of an entire country now. Japan, to be exact. Happy? (Celebitchy)
You know who’s really good at defending the indefensible? Minnesota Senator Tony Cornish. Look, he used exclamation marks and everything!!! (imgur)
A tornado ripped through Joplin, Missouri yesterday claiming the lives of many and tearing helicopters from the sky. Here are some devastating images courtesy of the NYT. I hope all of our Missouri readers and their families are safe and sound. (NYT)
Does that make you feel like doing something good today, my altruistic yet broke readers? Well long-time Pajiban Lainey has an oppurtunity for you to help out a good cause without spending a solitary dime. It’s just clicking! You’re good at clicking. If you follow the link below (Click 1), “like” Chase Community Giving (Click 2) and then “Vote” for “One Heartland,” (Click 3), Chase will do the donating for you. “One Heartland” is a unique camp for children (and their families) with HIV/AIDS. This grant will eliminate the current waiting list and invite all of the campers living with HIV/AIDS to Camp Heartland & Birch Family Camp this summer. Seriously, three clicks. DO EEET. (Chase Community Giving)
Did you click? Good job. As a reward I give you this photo of Emma Watson mysteriously clad in a camo corset. Was she auditioning for the Lara Croft reboot? Is that why she’s all braided and shorted? (imgur)
Good TV is rare these days (Winter Is Coming Bitches), so let’s take a moment to thank whoever put the killshot in the fetching head of Adrianne Palicki’s Wonder Woman series. Good God, people, even her wonder panties were vinyl. Rest in Peace, you abomination. I can’t wait until the pilot is leaked online. (DC Women Kicking Ass)
Until then, I’ll be playing all the Nintendo games that ever were. WHY DIDN’T ANY OF YOU TELL ME ABOUT THIS BEFORE? (Play Nintendo)
Is it because playing video games rots the mind? Is it because all I could think of while watching this staggering jellyfish video from Palau was that this guy was obviously losing at the Video Game Called Life by letting all those jellyfish hit him?
This last video is for my busy bees and wastrel wasps alike. Here is a collection of instructional demos that will make everyday tasks much faster. Come for the shoe-tying thing, stay for the oddly sexual banana.