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The ‘Pirates of the Caribbean’ Franchise Whacks Off a $90 Million Dead Toe

By Lainey Bobainey | Pajiba Love | January 2, 2019 |

By Lainey Bobainey | Pajiba Love | January 2, 2019 |


Hi! Hi! HIIII! Happy New Year! Oh, how I’ve missed your bright and shining faces. I’m so happy to be back.

Tiffany Haddish had a less-than-stellar NYE. Her stand-up act in Miami bombed. But, here’s the thing, how in the world does she even have time to still DO stand-up?! She is working constantly. I think she’s in every single movie that was released in 2018. - (Lainey)

Madonna performed on NYE, too. She was in New York City celebrating at the Stonewall Inn. She had her 13-year-old son David Banda performing with her, and, well, she had something else: a big ol’ butt. I don’t mean Madonna put on weight. I mean, Madonna suddenly acquired an enlarged tukhus. - (Dlisted)

The struggling ‘Pirates of the Caribbean’ franchise has wizened up and made two terrific decisions by 1) hiring Rhett Reese and Paul Wernick (Deadpool, Zombieland) to write the reboot and 2) excising the franchise’s dead toe, Johnny Depp, who not only cost $90 million but interfered with the screenwriting process to the franchise’s detriment and alienated a lot of the movies’ fans. - (Forbes)

This headline made me laugh. I can’t help it. Karma is the best! Oh, Gavin Rossdale, you used to be the hottest thing to me… back when you were, like, your ex-girlfriend’s age. - (Celebitchy)

This headline also made me laugh. So did the saga! 250 live crickets loose in my house? Gas + matches = fixed. - (Pleated Jeans)

Several of the Overlords had comments on this, but Jodi’s made me guffaw! “Is she Ron Burgandy? Does she read what’s on the teleprompter regardless of what it says?”

This dumbass white man made a very poor decision when he thought he could reach across the counter at a McDonald’s and put his hands on the young black woman working there. - (The Root)

Professor Wilson sent me this last week, but I’m just now getting around to posting it (Sorry, SLW!). “Turns out there were loads of popular woman authors in previous centuries, it’s just the ivory tower boy’s club didn’t give a shit. This academic is fixing that.” - (The Guardian)

Want to look at pretties? How about all the pretties from 2018? - (GFY)

This octopus cut from one sheet of paper is so astonishingly beautiful. - (Colossal)

Desperately want a cat but you’re allergic? Life-size. Cat. LEGOS. - (Just Something)

Emmalita was scrolling through Twitter when she found author @mel_thegreat live-tweeting her read of Suleikha Snyder’s novella, Tikka Chance on Me, so she took a chance on it. (Bonus fact, the story was inspired by emmalita’s favorite photo of her favorite Chris.) It was a fun, fast, steamy read. "The story is short, but Snyder packs in a lot with just a few words." Has your favorite Chris inspired you? You can register for Cannonball Read 11 and tell us about it. - (Cannonball Read 11)

Our old friend and former critic here Daniel Carlson has a new newsletter, in which he shares his opinions and the like on today’s movies, television, etc., and if he’s a voice you miss around here, please do subscribe - (And Another Thing)

One last time…

Soundtracks That Aged Better Than The Movie | Aubrey O'Day Got Kicked Out of Her Weird Donald Trump Jr. Birthday Party Thing

Lainey is the copy editor & linkmaster. You can Tweet at her on Twitter.

Header Image Source: Disney