In 2013, The Onion posted this article, written by FAKE Donald Trump:

Recently, while going through their emails, The Onion found this real letter threatening The Onion for the fake article from the real Michael Cohen.

Earlier today, the real The Onion tweeted this response to the five-year-old letter.

.@MichaelCohen212, we will gladly delete this article, per your request, in exchange for influence over the president’s decision-making. https://t.co/DjgcNAW7xV pic.twitter.com/07SaZyRhif

— The Onion (@TheOnion) May 21, 2018

And then the real Michael Cohen tweeted this self-own.

Maybe all of you #haters #trolls missed the memo but @TheOnion is a news “SATIRE” Organization. That means…it’s not real! #GetALife https://t.co/zHEr3E9LF7

— Michael Cohen (@MichaelCohen212) May 21, 2018

I don’t even know what’s real or fake anymore. The Onion has broken me. (The Onion)

So, Harry’s ex, who was at the wedding, got meme’d because cameras caught her looking very It could’ve been me! but I dunno. She might’ve just been bored. You tell me. (Lainey)

Mila Kunis has bangs now, and she looks very femme fatale, and I am here for it. (Celebitchy)

Speaking of things I’m here for: Jennifer Aniston as President and Tig Notaro as her First Lady. (FSR)

Now that he has a brood of children, Hugh Grant has transformed from “a very miserable person into a fairly miserable person” and part of that evolution is his decision to finally get married. Better still, he’s marrying the mother of three of his children and not just some woman he met on the street! (Dlisted)

Tori has successfully identified the one and only redeeming factor in the sad, sorry mess of a film we know as Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. (Fangrrls)

Retta weighs in on that Aziz Ansari story, and she doesn’t even know why it was published. “If you haven’t been on that date twice, are you even living a life?” Eek. (The Mary Sue)

To honor his beloved dogs, Justin Theroux has a back tattoo of NYC’s most disgusting residents. (Vulture)

Go fuck yourself. No seriously. Immediately. (Teen Vogue)

If you clicked on that, heal thyself with this. OH MY GOD:

Seriously any other kids attending this fancy dress competition have no idea how badly they’re about to get owned👌🏻🤖 pic.twitter.com/3jX7BXcd64

— Matt (@MrBoak) May 21, 2018

Ever play Roller Coaster Tycoon but wished you could also control the guests themselves for maximum sadism? You’re in luck. (WestWorld)

Oh hai! Johnny Depp is still a thing, and he’s still killing my interest in films I might otherwise like to see. (Slashfilm)

That’ll do (disgusting, feral-looking) pig. That’ll do. (NPR)

Allow us to introduce you to two new words today: Firthing and Brieing

We totally forgot it was greased up pole day at the Naval Academy. (OK, greased up obelisk day if you want to be precise.) (WashPo)

Cannonballer xoxoxo e is in a thriller mood, and she has four recommendations that span seven decades - from Agatha Christie’s 1939 classic And Then There Were None to Richard Matheson’s 2008 short story collection Button, Button: Uncanny Stories. All of the books have been adapted for film or TV. Do you prefer your thriller in print or on the screen? (Cannonball Read 10)

Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.

← What Should You Really Have Accomplished By 35? | Donald Trump Is Neck Deep in the Swamp and Standing On Jared Kushner's Back to Keep from Drowning →