Tony Curtis has died at the age of 85 you guys. My condolences to those who like it hot. (Towleroad)
Oh, and Greg Giraldo died too, because God just flat-out likes killing people. (Dlisted)
With The Social Network garnering consistent praise, Armond White has verily stepped up to animadvert it for being a supercilious metaphor for the film industry’s arrogance and derp-a derpitty derp. (Film Drunk)
Cartoons of the 1980s is today’s quiz topic over on LitelySalted. Also, what the fuck is a Popple? (LitelySalted)
Spencer Pratt released the trailer to some shitty movie he made and holy shit I wouldn’t even use the film it was shot on to wipe my dog’s ass. Go fuck a landmine Spencer, you shit-sucking fuckwit. On the plus side, I’m sure Armond White will love this movie. (popbytes)
Now that Sharktopus has been unleashed on the world, where can Syfy go from here? I have two words that have been combined into one word for you: BEARANTULA. Thanks dammitjanet! (i09)
Yeah, so that Britney Spears episode of Glee that ran a couple nights ago? Well, thanks to that episode, everyone at Fox just bought a rocket-yacht made of diamonds. Because that’s how capitalism works or something. (Warming Glow)
Guess how much Justin Bieber makes per concert? No, seriously, guess! Higher… higher… Yeah, he makes $300,000 per concert. There is no God. (Celebslam)
You know what’s not news? The fact that Obama likes Stevie Wonder and Bob Dylan, but he also likes Nas and Lil Wayne. You know what’s also not news, but got posted up as news anyway? OBAMA LIKES GANGSTA RAP OH MY GOD LOOK AT THE SCARY BLACK PEOPLE! (AngryBlackLadyChronicles)
Oh good, HBO is finally getting around to making a show based on Nine Inch Nails’ Year Zero. Well, actually, this would be good news if HBO remembered how to make a decent fucking show. So I guess this isn’t good news after all. (Agent Bedhead)
Joss Whedon has decided that he wants to turn The Avengers into Glengarry GlenRoss. Haha, silly Whedon! There were no kickass chicks with biting sarcasm in Glengarry GlenRoss; how could you possibly think you remake that movie? (Gamma Squad)
So Star magazine decided to interview a girl who fucked The Situation (and they wonder why print media is going down the shitter) and she basically said that the guy isn’t exactly packing. No way, the butterface with four abs he constantly feels the need to show off might not be well endowed? No goddamn way. (Celebitchy)
Thanks to mswas, here’s a helpful guide to trusting people based entirely on what kind of facial hair they have. And yes, the hitler mustache is on the list. If you honestly need a graph to tell you not to trust Hitler, you’re fucked. (I’mJustCreative)
Oh look, Steve Martin “leaked” his “Tour ideas”. Meh, this was funnier, like, two years ago back when it was still topical and relevant. (Buzzfeed)
Normally, this is where a dog video goes, but instead today you get Broken Social Scene’s Anthems For A Seventeen-Year-Old Girl, because it’s that kind of day. Go drink heavily until you forget you’re dead inside.
Jeremy Feist is a freelance writer, maker of lovin’, and an average-everyday-sane-psycho. Usually he posts dog videos but you don’t get one today, so suck it. You can check his NSFW blog here, or email him here.