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Happy Halloween, Eloquents...

By Miscellaneous | Pajiba Love | October 29, 2010 |

By Miscellaneous | Pajiba Love | October 29, 2010 |

Alright people, listen up: Chances are, you probably won’t die today. That being said, if you do die today because you happen to be trapped in a horror movie, here’s a list of all the fantastically fun ways you can ensure that your death is both gruesome and unsurprising. (Premiere)

Over on FilmDrunk, Vince talks “Shit My Dad Says,” with Justin Halpern, the guy who started the Twitter feed, who is unsurprisingly far more interesting (and profane) than his television show. (Frotcast)

They’re finally releasing a tell-all book about the Jay Leno/Conan O’Brien clusterfuck from earlier this year, and just in case you thought it was going to be either really boring or really fake, worry not: It’s entirely true and soooooooo fucking awesome it hurts. (Warming Glow)

Today’s quiz is all about, you guessed it, Halloween, the magical time of the year where you can dress like a slut, scare kids and eat as much candy as you want and no one can stop you. What a magical time of year. (Litely Salted)

Well this is severely fucked: Someone accused Tila Tequila of kidnapping his girlfriend at gunpoint and threatening to kill them both. This actually sounds like something she’d do because she’s batshit insane, until you realize that kidnapping requires brains and money. (popbytes)

Just in time to scare the ever-loving crap out of small children with terrible taste in music, Madame Tussaud rolled out a wax replica of Taylor Swift that looks less like she’s going to sing you a nice little song and more like she’s peel your skin off like a banana peel and devour your eyeballs while you sleep. (Agent Bedhead)

Oh holy crap, how cool is this shit? There’s actually a Big Lebowski themed store in New York that sells memorabilia from the movie, and the clerk even walks around in the same bathrobe as the guy. Pothead movie nerds, prepare to meet your Graceland. (Film Drunk)

Ghost Rider 2 is, sadly happening after all because making sequels to shitty movies no one saw is a great business plan. Except the sequel is going to be released with a slashed budget which, if there’s still justice in the world, will be about 16 cents and a button. (Gamma Squad)

Good news for everyone worried about the girls on Teen Mom: they get paid $60,000 per season all because they couldn’t wear a fucking condom. For God’s sake kids, wear a fucking jimmy or else you’ll become like them. (Celebitchy)

Just in case you guys haven’t been planning your costumes forever (and if you haven’t, SHAAAAAAAAME), here are 8 last minute Halloween costumes that might not totally suck or get you arrested for indecent exposure. (Frothy Girlz)

Just in case you were all wondering, the hooker from Charlie Sheen’s little meltdown the other night is actually a pornstar, but then news broke that she was supposed to be paid $12,000 for the night, so now she’s actually a pornstar/hooker. No way, really? (Celebslam)

Some asshole in Arkansas named Clint McCance, who happens to be on a Midlands school board, went on Facebook saying that all gay kids should commit suicide and that he’d disown his children if they ever came out as gay. Sadly, he only ended up resigning instead of being set on fire in public. (Towleroad)

And just because Halloween is basically just a day for you to dress up as your deepest, darkest fetish, here are the best Craigslist Halloween-inspired encounters. (Nerve)

As my own little Halloween gift to you all, here’s Sharktopus condensed to under ten minutes for your viewing pleasure. Happy Halloween!

Jeremy Feist is a freelance writer, maker of lovin’, and an average-everyday-sane-psycho. You can check his NSFW blog here, or email him here.

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