Hey everyone! First, a big thank you to Agent Bedhead for covering me while I spent the weekend in San Francisco. Second, if there are any typos or I’ve forgotten something, just be cool about it, okay? I’m massively hungover, I got zero sleep on the plane, and I’m pretty sure Tom Wolfe may have bruised my trachea by accident. Don’t ask.
In the most ironic irony to ever iron an iron, the guy who owns the Segway company died horribly when he drove his Segway off a cliff. Now if someone could get rid of whichever asshole invented Crocs… (AngryBlackLadyChronicles)
Hey you! Did you think the first Yogi Bear trailer sucked more dicks than Trebek’s Mother? Well then your opinions on the second trailer probably won’t be any better. In fact, if you were to put a hit out on the producers, I think we’d all be pretty okay with that. (Film Drunk)
To apologize for making you suffer through dipshit CGI bears, here’s a bunch of pics of Jon Hamm looking all scruffy and packing a serious mooseknuckle. (Celebitchy)
A little random here, but why the fuck not, here’s a quiz on September. We’ve only got two days left, so get in before it becomes October and you’re untimely and uncool. (Litely Salted)
Does anybody here watch Batman: The Brave And The Bold? Yeah, me neither, but apparently, Catwoman, Black Canary and Huntress performed a song about fucking a bunch of superheroes, and pretty much flat-out said that Aquaman has a tiny cock. No, really, check it out for yourself. (Topless Robot)
Pop quiz, people: Is Christina Aguilera preggers, or is ice cream just delicious and easily within her reach? I really hope it’s the latter here, if only because her skin is a very melanoma-looking shade of tan, and if she IS pregnant, I’m pretty sure her baby might come out looking like a rotisserie chicken. (popbytes)
Today’s “Let’s teach a robot to do something that we probably shouldn’t because they’ll use it to kill us all” story comes to us from some asshole who decided to teach a robot how to fire a bow and arrow. At least we know that when Skynet becomes self-aware, it’s going to look kinda dorky. (Gamma Squad)
A propos of nothing really, here’s Clive Owen smoldering up a taxi in NYC. Ummmmmm… Yeah, this might just be me being hypercritical, but this is… This is not one of his better pictures. Is it weird to think that his face kinda looks doughy? (Agent Bedhead)
Want to never be broken up with again? Well, someone probably will break up with you eventually because fate is a cruel little sack of cow shit who will twist your goddamn heart out of your chest just to say it did, but here’s a few ways to make sure it never happens to you. (The Gloss)
Another reason to love Stephen Colbert: He testified in Congress as his character from The Colbert Report in order to raise awareness about immigration. Congress may have always been a joke, but this may be the first time ever it was a funny joke. (Warming Glow)
So Paris Hilton decided to adopt 20 bunnies when she found out they were going to be used to feed snakes. Yeah, I gotta say: If someone gave me the choice between being eaten by a snake and living with Paris Hilton for the rest of my life, I’m covering myself in barbecue sauce and jumping in the snake pit. (Celebslam)
Here’s the condensed, brutally honest version of The Expendables. Fun fact: My roommate totally showed me where I can watch the movie for free, and at first I was all excited, and then I remembered that it looked awful and that I wouldn’t even see it for free. (The Editing Room)
And finally, here’s a bulldog teaching a baby how to crawl. I will temporarily wave my ban on babies to say: Awwwwwww!